Peter tries to take advantage of a work policy granting leave in the event of a pet's death by adopting a bird that once belonged to Hitler. Stewie causes Brian to give up writing.
When Peter gets a job as the new night watchman, he and the guys turn Pawtucket Brewery into an after-hours bar. Stewie and Brian's plan to collect "lost dog" return money backfires when Brian is used for a dangerous TikTok stunt.
Meg realizes she'd rather stay in Russia when she takes Brian and Stewie there after Brian's Instagram gets hacked; Lois reverts to her tormented teenage self when Quagmire dates her middle school bully.
Meg comes home from Russia after realizing she was used for a green card marriage; Chris joins Principal Shepherd in shooting pornos at Adam West High as an extracurricular activity.
Peter gets a job at the grocery store - to Lois' dismay - while the brewery undergoes construction; Joe uses his police stories to collaborate with Brian on a true crime novel.
Peter and Mayor West go confront the man responsible for Peter's losing the Griffin house in a reverse mortgage - Tom Selleck; Brian and Stewie get into a rivalry with Bruce when they open a booth at the flea market.
Peter feels emasculated when he abandons Lois in the midst of a shark attack on their anniversary; Stewie finds a mini fridge and lives the dorm lifestyle.
Stewie tries to civilize his half-brother so the half-brother can get adopted; Meg and Chris start an online venture in which Chris gets paid to sit on and smash cupcakes.
Lois wins a Snapple contest and uses her winnings to take Meg on a tropical vacation, during which they flaunt their wealth and get kidnapped. Meanwhile, Stewie and Brian undergo friendship therapy.
Meg discovers her tears make cookies delicious and enjoys a profit with Chris and Stewie until their success makes her too happy to cry; Peter and his friends launch a "male talk show".