Bicentennial Man (1999)

Sam Neill: Sir

Photos 

Quotes 

• Andrew Martin : May one, sir? Is now a good time?

  'Ma'am' Martin : What? A good time for what?

  Andrew Martin : Last night, Sir taught...

  Sir : No, no, no, don't blame me Andrew. Just... go ahead.

  Andrew Martin : Thank you sir

  Andrew Martin : [Very fast]  Two cannibals were eating a clown. One turns to the other and says "Does this taste funny to you?" How do you make a hanky dance? Put a little boogie in it! What is a brunette between two blondes? A translator! Do you know why blind people don't like to sky-dive? It scares their dogs! A man with demensia is driving on the freeway. His wife calls him on the mobile phone and says "Sweetheart, I heard there's someone driving the wrong way on the freeway." He says "One? There's hundreds!" What's silent and smells like worms? Bird farts. It must have been an engineer who designed the human body. Who else would put a waste processing plant next to a recreation area? A woman goes into a doctor's office, and the doctor says "Do you mind if I numb your breasts?" "Not at all." *makes 'motor-boating' noise. "Num-num-num-num."

  Andrew Martin : [Family chuckles]  One did it sir!

  Sir : Andrew, it was fine, but we might want to talk about appropriatness and um, and timing.

  Andrew Martin : It's ten-fifteen sir.

  [Family laughs hysterically] 

• [Teaching Andrew to tell jokes] 

  Sir : Why did the chicken cross the road?

  Andrew Martin : One does not know, sir, possibly a predator was behind the chicken, or possibly there was a female chicken on the other side of the road, if it's a male chicken. Possibly a food source, or depending on the season it might be migrating. One hopes there's no traffic.

  Sir : To get to the other side.

  Andrew Martin : To get to the other side. Ah, why is that funny?

• [after Sir explains about sex] 

  Andrew Martin : It all sounds so very... messy.

  Sir : That's... a fair point

• Andrew Martin : Sir, is everything all right?

  Sir : Umm. They've both gone now, Andrew. Well, things change, things always change. People move on. It's as it should be. But, what I realized today is that I'll never stop missing them.

  Andrew Martin : Sir? One is still here.

  Sir : And one is glad of that Andrew. Thank you.

• 'Miss' Grace Martin - Age 9 : Oh, Aaaandreeeew! Could you come up?

  Andrew Martin : [at the first floor, walks to her]  Yes, miss?

  'Miss' Grace Martin - Age 9 : Andrew, would you please open the window?

  Andrew Martin : One is glad to be of service.

  [He opens the window] 

  Andrew Martin : [turns back to Grace]  A lovely breeze!

  'Miss' Grace Martin - Age 9 : [with an arrogant gaze]  Now jump.

  Andrew Martin : [jumps, jumps, jumps, jumps] 

  'Miss' Grace Martin - Age 9 : No! Out the window!

  Andrew Martin : [thus jumps out of the window] 

  Sir : [yet playing chess with his wife]  Did you hear something?

  'Ma'am' Martin : An earthquake?

• Sir Martin : You're a unique robot, Andrew. I feel a responsibility to help you become - whatever you're able to be.