- Various Characters: [Dating Agency Video] I'm looking for a man who's really attractive, but doesn't know it. Who's really sensitive, but can be really tough when I want. Who's got a high powered job, but isn't motivated by money. Who's got a big penis, but doesn't feel like he has to use all of it. And he's got to be able to fly.
- Various Characters: [Vet] So this is?
- Various Characters: Harry.
- Various Characters: And Harry is...?
- Various Characters: Not very happy.
- Various Characters: Clearly. And Harry is... a?
- Various Characters: Hamster!
- Various Characters: Yes, of course.
- [to self]
- Various Characters: Hamster, Hamster, Hamster!
- Various Characters: What is it with me? What is it with you? Quit busting my ass for five minutes here!
- Various Characters: Both surfaces must be dried before the glue is applied.
- Various Characters: Let's try it with just the voice, okay? Both surfaces must be dried before the glue is applied!
- Various Characters: Pierce film lid in several places! Got it!
- Various Characters: [Dating Vid] Hello, I'm Ros, before we go any further I feel that I should be open - BIG RED TRACTOR - about one particular aspect of myself. There is something in my life - Fencing FENCING - that is just too - EGG - significant not too - BIG EGG - mention. I know it puts some people off, but I would - IT DOES EXACTLY WHAT IT SAYS ON THE TIN - need you, whoever you are, to accept - WICKERWORK - me as I am - BULLY - as a Christian.
- Various Characters: [Nice Doctor] Oh, no, no! You can take loads! And don't forget it's a jolly nice thing what you are!
- Various Characters: [In Denial] What?
- Various Characters: [friend has a new baby] Is that all it does? You must be gutted!
- Various Characters: Have you seen the new Bond Film? It's amazing it's all, you know!
- [they spin around with finger guns]
- Various Characters: They're out there. They look just like you. They're Cousins. And you're probably not allowed to have sex with them. Or are you?
- Angel: [Hanging around outside the Church after everyone else has gone home...]
- Various Characters: WAAAH! I want to do my Plan! If you don't let me do my Plan, I'm going to hold my breath until I die!
- Singer: Where does our love lie? In the middle of nowhere. Will it still pass me by? In the middle of nowhere. Oh won't you tell me, what am I to do? I'm in the middle of nowhere, gettin' nowhere with you.
- Various Characters: Here we are at Poet's Leap, where our hero threw himself to his death, for the love of one Daisy Winthrop. Who, ironically enough, was quite a plain girl! Ha!
- [Falls over the Cliff]
- Various Characters: [Dating Video, bored] I like Cars, I like Football, I like Science Fiction, I like Golf- Fuck it, Golf? I hate Golf! I can't do this...
- Various Characters: [Dating Video] I am making Art! I am making Art! I am making Art! I am making Art! I am a Veil, a Bull, Moo, A Veil. I am a Veil a Bull!
- Various Characters: Doctor, instead of removing a little fat from the eyelid area, you seem to have cut off my arm and replaced it with a rusty metal spike.
- Various Characters: [handed an Atlas] Oh, yeah, right! Like someone's really drawn out all the Countries in a book!
- Captions: Crap Job? No money? Not getting enough sex? Be a Prostitute!
- Various Characters: [Victory fist pump, gets in the car]
- Clapperboard: Right Up Inside.
- Captions: Nurses! Not as much fun as you'd think.
- Various Characters: [surrounded by Nude Portraits] I couldn't let anyone see them! I've got my tits out!
- Various Characters: You are wearing a Suit Teddy!
- Various Characters: Well, if you won't read your emails...
- Various Characters: [Bone through nose] Yeah,
- [thumbs up]
- Various Characters: I've been there, I've seen it, I've smelt it, I've tasted it. I just want someone who can fix my car...
- Various Characters: I am aware that some people are uncomfortable with my Punk Past. I mean, the upside is I know the lyrics to some wonderful songs by Guns and Roses and Van Halen! The downside, of course is this.
- [Raises fringe to reveal a "Fuck Off" tattoo on her forehead]
- Various Characters: [Dating Video] I have this crew of Sailors who live in my Hair, but it's no trouble. Except when occasionally I have to pipe them on and off a Battleship like
- [Whistling Noise]
- Various Characters: . Yeah, I just can't get a man...
- Various Characters: [Busy Reception] Oh m'Lady, what's that?
- Various Characters: [New hire] It's my Tag! And if you paint over it, I'll do it again!
- Various Characters: I'm looking for a man who's not going to make me do... what I don't want to do... even if it is his birthday.
- Various Characters: I'm lazy, disorganised, messy. I'm rude, aggressive, needy. I'm basically an emotional and financial drain on anyone stupid enough to date me. But then, on the other hand, I do Swallow! It's your choice...
- Various Characters: So, where's this going?
- Date: Well, I want to see your tits.
- Various Characters: What? You've been taking me to dinner, taking me to movies, just because you want to see my tits?
- Date: Well, yeah. If you didn't do that, you'd never get to see any tits at all!
- Various Characters: I'm looking for a Gay Man, who fancies women. Or at least is willing to pretend!
- Various Characters: What do you mean my brain's made of cheese? I'm really interesting! I'm wild and I'm rural, I farm and I sing! Sure I've got some cows and some cereal crops. But I've also been to France and bought some stuff in the shops!