- Buddy: It's preposterous. It's unheard of. Married! Married to a rubber-brained ninny with the intelligence of a sausage and the personality of a herring - a dead herring.
- Henry Groper, Optician: Oh, there's something wrong with your eyes? Oh well, that's why you thought I wasn't who I was.
- Nikolai Nikolaevich: Oh, you are who you are, aren't you?
- Henry Groper, Optician: Certainly!
- Nikolai Nikolaevich: Uh huh. I thought she was not who she was. Was she who she was not and you was who you are? Are you?
- Henry Groper, Optician: What's the matter with you anyway?
- Nikolai Nikolaevich: My near sight is getting too close to my far sight.
- Henry Groper, Optician: When did you first see that you couldn't see?
- Nikolai Nikolaevich: When did I first see I couldn't see?
- Henry Groper, Optician: Yes.
- Nikolai Nikolaevich: When I tried to see what I saw and I saw I couldn't see it - see?