King's Quest VI: Heir Today, Gone Tomorrow (1992 Video Game)
Chuck McCann: Jollo, Bookworm, Bump-on-a-Log, Woof
Quotes
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Bookworm : [Alexander grabs one of the books on the ground and the Giant Bookworm appears floating in midair] What do you think You're doing?
Prince Alexander : I'm sorry. I didn't realize these books had an owner. I'm in need of a rare book.
Bookworm : Hmph! No owner! All books have owners, my good man. And This book owner, Bookworm to you wouldn't part with one of his books for anything!
Prince Alexander : Isn't there something I can do for you to pay for the book?
Bookworm : Hmm. Let's see. Do you have an itinerant clause?
Prince Alexander : No. No clauses at all, I'm afraid.
Oxymoron : [Then Oxymoron pops out of his book] As an exception, you always should! Ha ha ha ha!
Diphthong : [Oxymoron goes back into his book and Diphthong pops out of his book] Aaooouu!
Bookworm : [Diphthong goes back into his book] Don't mind Oxymoron and Diphthong. They're fairly limited grammatical principles, you know. Hmm, let's see. A marsh pig that does taxes?
Prince Alexander : Uh, no. I'm afraid not.
Bookworm : A dangling participle?
[a helpful clue for the item you're required to get in the game]
Prince Alexander : I'm fresh out.
Bookworm : A purple fiddlewacker?
Prince Alexander : No... I don't think so. Sorry.
Bookworm : An idiosyncrasy, perhaps?
Prince Alexander : Fraid not.
Bookworm : Hah! Then what good are you?
[the giant Bookworm goes back into his book]
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Prince Alexander : [after clicking rotten tomato icon on bump on a log] I thought this might come in handy the next time your brother starts picking on you.
Bump-on-a-log : Ah ha! Finally! Old bump on a log's not so defenseless, Is he!
Rotten Tomato : Hey! Hey! What are you doing there? Watch the pulp will you!
Stick-in-the-mud : Now Bumpy! Remember all I've given you!
Bump-on-a-log : The only thing you've ever given me is mud! Take this!
Rotten Tomato : No! Not into the swamp!
[Bump on a log throws rotten tomato at Stick in the mud and they both chuck swamp ooze at bump on a log]
Bump-on-a-log : Hey! Okay! I give up! Geez, sorry!
Stick-in-the-mud : Well, I guess it's not very pleasant having things thrown at you. I'm sorry.
Bump-on-a-log : You mean it? Really? Brother?
Stick-in-the-mud : Brother!
Narrator : Stick in the mud and Bump on a log, exhausted from the battle immediately doze off into naps, Rotten Tomato being equally lazy, decides to join them.
[3 of them all yawn and then fall asleep]
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Jollo : Determined to learn more about the strange mans relationship with the princess, Alexander shows the man his insignia ring and formally introduces himself.
Prince Alexander : I'm sorry to insist, but my name is Alexander of Daventry and...
Jollo : I appreciate the offer of the ring Alexander, but I'm afraid I'm already spoken. Daventry? Where have I heard of Daventry? Flying flipmice! You must be Prince Alexander! Cassima told me about you when she arrived home. How came you here?
Prince Alexander : Why, by a ship, now wrecked upon the sand. But, you know Cassima? She truly spoke of me?
Jollo : Yes, yes, I, I saw her briefly when she first returned home. She mentioned the prince to me, the Prince Alexander of Daventry. I'm afraid that was before she was told about her parents deaths. You see, she arrived home a few weeks too late, the king and queen thought they'd never see her again, it is said they died of heartbreak, I'm afraid she's blamed herself.
Prince Alexander : What a terrible homecoming! If we had only known.
Jollo : Sniff... Terrible indeed poor thing, everyone in the kingdom seems to despair with her these days, the streets are silent.
Prince Alexander : Where is she now?
Jollo : The princess is sequestered in mourning, it's a rather dated tradition and not required. But, the Vizier said she insisted out of respect.
Prince Alexander : I see, you've yet to say who you are and how you know the princess.
Jollo : I? Oh pardon me! My name is Jollo. I am clown to the royal court, and have been since the marriage of Cassimas parents King Caliphim and Queen Allaria, ho ho, those were the happy days. The pair of them were so full of joy and life, so in love. And Cassimas birth, it would be hard to explain how long they had waited, how they had hoped for a child, I mean, she was such a charming little thing, smart as a whip, kind and sweet, oh she means everything to this kingdom Alexander, and to me, I'm so terribly worried about her.
Prince Alexander : About her grief over her parents you mean.
Jollo : Well the truth is, I do not trust the Vizier or his plans for Cassima, I'm still living at the Castle of the Crown as court clown, His clown. But it is more to keep my ear to the ground than out of loyalty. I wish I knew what the princess thinks these days sigh. If only I could find Sing-Sing, Cassimas pet Nightingale, I might be able to send the princess a message, as it is, I must wait for the end of her seclusion. Now I'm afraid I must hurry back to the castle, I'll try to return to the bookshop again later,
Prince Alexander : Thank you for speaking with me Jollo, I hope we meet again soon.
[Jollo gets up from the cushion chair and walks out of the bookshop]
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Stick-in-the-mud : [If Alexander attempts to collect swamp sludge with his cup] Whaddaya think you're doing!
Prince Alexander : You startled me! I was just getting some swamp ooze.
Stick-in-the-mud : Well you certainly won't get it there! That's not swamp ooze! That's swamp sludge!
Bump-on-a-log : He's right you know, But he could be a little nicer telling you. He's not a very pleasant stick in the mud.
Stick-in-the-mud : Nobody ask you! Be quiet!
Bump-on-a-log : Sigh. Oh the trials of being a mere bump on a log.
[Stick in the mud then makes faces and sticks his tongue out]
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Prince Alexander : Who are you?
Bump-on-a-log : I'm Bump on a log and that's my brother Stick in the mud. We've had this thing ever since our childhood, mama always liked me best.
Stick-in-the-mud : She did not! That is absolutely not true!
Bump-on-a-log : He's a bit lazy you see, he's got the only swamp ooze right next to him. But do you think he would move a finger to help you get some? Hardly, he tried to brain you with it likely, his temper is about the only thing that ever gets a workout, and that is on yours truly.
Stick-in-the-mud : Oh! Like you've moved at all in the last century! Like, you're Mr. Physical activity!
Bump-on-a-log : Sniff... Just because I can't reach anything, he thinks he can throw gushy swamp matter at me and say whatever he likes, if only I could turn the tables on that heckler, he might learn some respect, but as you can see, I'm a mere bump on a log, and must be content with my lot.
Stick-in-the-mud : OH SHUT UP! You couldn't hit the broad side of the barn, even if you hand something to throw, just SHUT UP!
Bump-on-a-log : You see how he is?
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Prince Alexander : [as Alexander walks in the bookshop, he walks up to Jollo] Jollo, how fare are you? And what news have you from the castle?
Jollo : [Jollo stands up from his chair] Prince Alex! Oh my fare is close to boiling. Have you seen the wedding proclamations around the village? I've heard rumors of the wedding of course, but I didn't wanna believe it, and I'd never thought it would be so soon.
Prince Alexander : Cassima, Married? Oh it is an unpleasant thing to swallow friend. If only I knew Cassima wished it. Tell me about the Vizier Jollo.
Jollo : The Vizier? Ho. Now there's a dangerous subject. His name is Abdul Alhazred. He came to the kingdom fifteen years ago. The king was fascinated by his knowledge and his fine sounding ideas. It didn't take long for Alhazred to convince the king to trust him with the, minor problems of daily government. You see, Caliphim had a wife and a new daughter he wanted to spend time with. Alhazred became Vizier.
Prince Alexander : And now?
Jollo : Well, he's had his eye on Cassima ever since she was a young girl. And she is the only thing between him and the throne.
Prince Alexander : Do you think he means to harm her?
Jollo : Ho. I honestly don't know. I'd think he'd rather keep her as wife. But whatever's plans for the princess. He will use her to his best advantage. That's his way.
Prince Alexander : Perhaps he has charmed her. Perhaps she cares for him now.
Jollo : The Vizier is capable of anything. And Cassima must be vulnerable and lonely right now. Still, she has always instinctively distrusted him. Cassima has a good head on her shoulders. I'd be surprised if she's truly fallen for his words of love. I must return to the castle Prince Alex and you to your wanderings, may we both farewell.
[Jollo walks out of the bookshop]
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Prince Alexander : Perhaps you could toss me some swamp ooze since you seem to be able to recognize it. I can only reach this bit by the path.
Stick-in-the-mud : Well, hoity-toity, look who's Mr. Want-so-much! You think I gotta job here passing around precious swamp matter? You should be so lucky!
Bump-on-a-log : He's an utter waste of oxygen. I'd save my breath if I were you.
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Prince Alexander : [If the player clicks the Dangling Participle icon on the Giant Bookworm] I found this little fellow lost on another island.
Dangling Participle : [Alexander sets the Dangling Participle on the ground] Coming home, I am TO!
Bookworm : There you are , you naughty boy! I told you not to leave the island!
Dangling Participle : Glad I am seeing you too!
Oxymoron : [Then Oxymoron pops up out of the book] A most he hae, solemn celebration!
Diphthong : [Then Diphthong pops up out of the book] Gooeeeoo!
Bookworm : So, you found my dangling participle! I suppose I'll have to give you something. Let's see now, was it a rare book you wanted?
Prince Alexander : Yes sir.
Bookworm : Well, then none of these will do. They've been sitting in the sun far too long and must be well-cooked by now. This one is far more rare. A delicious little tidbit. Hmm.
[the giant Bookworm goes into his books and pulls out a rare book and gives it to Alexander. Then he goes back into his books]
Prince Alexander : Uh, thanks.
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Bookworm : [If the player clicks on the books, Alexander will grab a book and the Giant Bookworm will appear floating in midair] Do you have anything interesting yet? A subordinate clause, maybe?
Prince Alexander : Uh... let me see what I have.
-
Narrator : Alexander politely addressees the odd looking guards at the castle doors. Hoping to learn more about his predicament.
Prince Alexander : Good day to you, guards. I was cast upon this island in a storm, and I'm a little confused about my location. Could you tell me what place this is, and who lives in this castle?
Gruff : Eh? What is that you say? A castaway? A likely story! We haven't had any foreigners in this part since Alhazred arrived!
Woof : Baa Don't be so rude, Gruff! He's not asking for any secrets. You're standing on the Isle of the Crown, lad, and this is the Castle of the Crown. The royal family resides here. Or, rather, what's left of the royal family.
Prince Alexander : The Isle of the Crown? But tell me, am I anywhere near the Land of the Green Isles?
Gruff : This is the Land of the Green Isles! The Isle of the Crown is the main island, foolish boy!
Prince Alexander : Then Princess Cassima must live in this very castle!
Woof : Aye! The princess is indeed our treasured jewel to guard and we consider it an honor!
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Narrator : [If the player clicks the ring icon on the guard dogs] Alexander decides to show his royal insignia ring to the Castle of the Crown guards. With all of his papers lost in the shipwreck, it is the only possible calling card he can think of.
Prince Alexander : Good day. I'm Prince Alexander of Daventry. I'm an acquaintance of Princess Cassima, if you could inform her that I'm here please.
Gruff : Heh! So everyone says. Let me just look at that ring!
Woof : What does it say Gruff?
Gruff : Kingdom of Daventry, Prince Alexander, Sigh! Wait here while I go see what Captain Saladin thinks of this!
[the guard dog opens the gates, goes inside and brings out Captain Saladin to meet Alexander]
Narrator : The guard returns a moment later with a majestic looking creature. Captain Saladin speaks with a voice that is gentle but reflects a will of iron.
Captain Saladin : Prince Alexander of Daventry, I presume. I'm afraid I'm unfamiliar with your country, but I'm sure Vizier Alhazred will want to meet you if indeed, you are a friend of the princess. Please, follow me.
[Alexander walks in the castle doors with Captain Saladin and the guard dog closes the gate]
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Prince Alexander : [as Alexander walks in the bookshop he walks over to Jollo] Jollo my friend. Is the wedding still moving forward at the castle?
Jollo : Prince Alex, Ye gads, yes! That confounded wedding has a whole castle a bustle. Look, I didn't come here to talk about that though. I came to warn you.
Prince Alexander : Warn me? About what? Isn't the wedding bad enough?
Jollo : No! listen. The vizier knows that you're here Alexander. He's posted extra guards and he's telling them about a foreign saboteur who else could he mean but you. The viziers genie must've learned of your presence in the land Prince Alex. Hoo hoo hoo! I don't know but he must have.
Prince Alexander : I haven't exactly been discreet I'm afraid.
Jollo : Alexander this is serious! Alhazred will never let you get close to Cassima now. He's doubled the castle guard probably to make sure you keep out. Gadzooks Oh it's too bad there isn't some way to convince Alhazred that you've left the islands, even died. If he thought you were out of the way, you might be able to get close enough to...
Prince Alexander : Hmmm... What an interesting thought. Tell me more about this genie.
Jollo : The genies name is Shamir Shamazel. Alhazred brought Shamir with him when he came to this kingdom. Shamir probably won't directly threaten you. But that doesn't mean he isn't dangerous. He can be a terrible trickster and ingenious spy. Sigh, it's too bad we can't get our hands on Shamirs lamp. If we had that lamp, Alhazred and all our problems would be solved. Hoo hoo. Wouldn't that be a fine thing?
Prince Alexander : You would wish to be master of such a wicked creature?
Jollo : Oh Shamir isn't necessary evil, Genies never are you know. They only reflect the owners heart for good or ill. Alhazred is hardly a shining example. For an impressionable genie.
Prince Alexander : Hmmm... So how do you propose we go about getting Shamirs lamp.
Jollo : What? Oh Prince Alex, I was only dreaming, I mean the lamp is heavily guarded, it would be easier to steal Alhazreds own trousers while he's wearing them than it would be to get that lamp.
Prince Alexander : But surly a clowns hands are quick and agile.
Jollo : Well yes, they are as a matter of fact. But then the theft would be detected almost immediately and then... Gulp, my poor neck.
Prince Alexander : If the theft were detected.
Jollo : Oh, I see! Yes well, there might be a slim chance. But only that, if you could find a replica of the genies lamp, an exact replica, I might be able to make the swap. I alone might get close enough. But I couldn't tell you what to look for. I caught a glimpse of it only once, I would know it if I saw it again. Just say I... I cannot.
[It's actually the Blue bottle lamp which he never said to Alexander]
Prince Alexander : Well I'll just have to see what I can do.
Jollo : Good luck to you then Prince Alex, I uh, really must be going back to the castle. I don't think I'll be able to come back here. If we were spied on, well, it's too high a risk. I hope you understand. If I see Cassima, I'll tell her I saw you. If you do ever make it to the castle, look me up and do be careful friend.
Prince Alexander : I will. Goodbye Jollo, and thanks for all your help.
[Jollo walks out of the bookshop]
-
Narrator : A group of Serving Women approach the castle.
[Gruff the Guard Dog opens the gate]
Gruff : Hurry up girls! There's plenty of work afoot today! No time to dawdle!
Serving Women : Yes Sergeant Gruff!
[Then the first four serving women enters the castle gate and Gruff closes the gate and back to his post]
Gruff : It's well that they're here Woof, Cook has about driven himself mad I hear! Worrying over the wedding preparations!
Woof : Aye ruff! What a celebration there will be today! Wine will flow like a river of red!
-
Narrator : A group of Serving Women approach the castle.
[Gruff the Guard Dog opens the gate]
Gruff : Ah Woof! more serving women, the castle staff is certainly busy today!
[Woof opens the castle gate]
Woof : Aye Gruff! Get a move on there wenches! There's plenty of work left to do before the wedding!
Serving Women : Yes Sergeant Gruff!
[Then the second four serving women enters the castle gate and Woof closes the gate and back to his post]
Woof : Those serving wenches are always late!
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Narrator : Alexander decides to find out what's on the other side of that door.
[Alexander enters Jollo's room, if Alexander made friends with Jollo earlier, Jollo will be excited to see Alexander and Alexander will walk over to Jollo]
Jollo : Prince Alexander! I can't believe you're here! The wedding is supposed to start any minute!
Prince Alexander : I am well aware of that fact, Jollo. Confound it! I've seen Cassima. She does not want to marry him, Jollo!
Jollo : Really? Oh, my friend, I'm so happy for that! Thank heaven she hasn't lost her senses and actually fallen for that black hearted Alhazred! Did you say that she is well?
Prince Alexander : She is unharmed if that's what you mean for the moment, at least. But I have a feeling she won't be fine at all if we can't stop the wedding.
Jollo : Stop the wedding? Oh, You'd never even make it to the ceremony, Alexander. The Guard dogs are everywhere, and they're very loyal to the Crown. Unfortunately, right now, the Crown means Alhazred. If we had proof of something truly afoul, the guard dogs might listen. As it is, they're your enemies, not his.
Prince Alexander : I understand. I've had no lack of enemies since I got here. Still, I can hardly stand by and do nothing.
Jollo : There's probably a good reason why so many wish to harm you. I believe the vizier's genie has learned of your presence on the islands.
Prince Alexander : Tell me about this genie.
Jollo : Alhazred brought the genie with him when he came to this kingdom. It is seldom that the genie will take human life himself. Usually, he is more of a trickster and a spy, but that doesn't mean he isn't dangerous. In fact, he's quite powerful. If for example, we could get the genie's lamp, then you could master the genie. Alhazred and all our other problems would be solved.
Prince Alexander : Hmmm. Is that merely wishful thinking or do you have something in mind?
Jollo : Well... I admit, I have often daydreamed about owning that lamp. My fingers are nimble enough, and I could probably find the chance to steal it. Unfortunately, the theft would be detected immediately, and I happen to prefer my neck attached to my body!
Prince Alexander : If the theft were detected.
Jollo : Exactly! So I have also thought! If I had a replica of the genie's lamp, an exact replica, I just might be able to... Bah! Where would we get a replica of the genie's lamp? Hoo hoo. Ah, dreaming is pleasant, but I'm afraid it won't help you stop the wedding. But, for Cassima's sake, I wish you luck.
Prince Alexander : Thanks, Jollo.
-
Prince Alexander : [If the player clicks the correct blue corked bottle icon on Jollo] I've been thinking about what you said about swapping a replica for the genie's lamp. I got this lamp from the old lampseller in town. Do you think it will pass?
Jollo : [Jollo takes the blue bottle lamp] Why Yes! It's an exact replica! That's amazing! How did you guess?
Prince Alexander : I suppose it was intuition.
Jollo : Hmmm... I'll have to wait for the right moment, mind you, but I should be able to get close enough to swap this for the real thing and none shall be the wiser! Now you shall see Jollo's skill!
Prince Alexander : I'm sure your hands are mightier than my sword, my clever friend.
Jollo : Hee, hee, hee! Go ahead and do as you've planned, and let me worry about swapping the lamp. If I accomplish the trickery, I'll manage to get the lamp to you somehow, younever fear!
Prince Alexander : I have faith, Jollo. You are a true friend.
Jollo : Aw, shucks! I would do anything for the princess.
[Jollo walks out of his room opens and closes the door behind him]
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Princess Cassima, Additional Voices : Alexander! Be careful, Alhazred has a sword!
Vizier Abdul Alhazred : Shut up wench! SHAMIR SHAMAZEL! Get in here!
[Shamir Shamazel teleport's himself in the tower room]
Shamir Shamazel : Here I am, Master!
Vizier Abdul Alhazred : It's about time, you bumbling fool! How could you let him follow me?
Shamir Shamazel : Well, there were the guard dogs, Master, and then...
Vizier Abdul Alhazred : NEVER MIND! Just kill him, kill him now!
Shamir Shamazel : Sigh. As you wish Master. Razzle dazzle, snap and snazzle!
[If the player gave Jollo the correct replica of the blue bottle to Jollo earlier, Jollo will quickly run upstairs up to Alexander]
Jollo : Alexander, I did it! I swapped the lamps! Here quick, take it!
[Alexander takes the Genies lamp from Jollo]
Prince Alexander : Bless you Jollo! I knew you could do it! Now get clear, friend!
Jollo : No arguments there, my lord. Good luck!
[Jollo runs back downstairs]
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Narrator : [the short path ending with Shamir dead, and only Jollo is at the wedding] One week later... Cassima and Alexander ask Captain Saladin to perform their wedding ceremony. Saladin is honored to do so.
Captain Saladin : On this historical day of great joy in the Land of the Green Isles, we witness the union of Cassima, beloved princess of this realm, and Alexander, prince of Daventry! Do you, Prince Alexander of Daventry, take Princess Cassima to be your wife, to love and to cherish for as long as you both shall live?
Prince Alexander : I do.
Captain Saladin : And do you, Princess Cassima of the Land of the Green Isles, take Prince Alexander to be your husband, to love and to cherish, for as long as you both shall live?
Princess Cassima, Additional Voices : I do.
Captain Saladin : Do you have a ring?
Princess Cassima, Additional Voices : I have Alexander's royal insignia ring.
Captain Saladin : Very good. Please place the ring on Cassima's finger.
[Alexander puts his royal ring on Cassimas finger]
Captain Saladin : Who gives this bride to be wed?
Jollo : That would be me! In the name of King Caliphim beloved friend, I give his daughter Cassima in wedlock.
Princess Cassima, Additional Voices : Thank you Jollo.
Captain Saladin : Since the groom has no family present. I will speak on his behalf. Alexander, your union with this woman is sanctioned and recognized in the eyes of the community.
Prince Alexander : Thank you Saladin.
Captain Saladin : Then Alexander and Cassima, I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride.
[Alexander and Cassima both kiss each other]
Town Citizens : Hooray! Hooray! Hooray!
Captain Saladin : Excuse my interrupting your joy, but I have an important question for the new bride and groom.
Prince Alexander : What is it Saladin?
Captain Saladin : Alexander, Alhazred hurt this little kingdom nearly to the point of destroying all that we stand for. But you are true and good and have proven yourself to all the people.
Prince Alexander : Thank you captain.
Captain Saladin : King Caliphim and Queen Allaria are gone and can never be restored. Alhazred has thankfully been banished. But we are leaderless. I believe you two can heal this small kingdom. From all the damage that Alhazred has inflicted upon it. Will you two Alexander and Cassima consider becoming the ruling King and Queen?
Prince Alexander : Why, I'm honored. What do you think Cassima?
Princess Cassima, Additional Voices : I love my homeland Alexander. I would be happy to stay and serve at all my days.
Prince Alexander : I wish my father were here so that I could ask his advice. I will miss him and my mother and sister and Daventry. But I love you Cassima, and I do feel at home here. Somehow this land and I seem to suit each other here. I don't know what kind of King I'll make, but, I accept.
Princess Cassima, Additional Voices : Oh Alexander! I'm so happy! If only my parents could've been alive to see this day, my joy would be complete.
Prince Alexander : I'm sorry I could not spare you that grief beloved.
Prince Alexander : King Alexander, there is a long road ahead. The ferry must be repaired before we can reunite the islands. Unfortunately the islands are still feuding, it will take some time and great diplomacy to convince them to reunite and stop fighting each other.
Princess Cassima, Additional Voices : Yes Alexander. We will have to try to discover how Alhazred managed to make them hate each another, so that we can undo what he has done.
Captain Saladin : Now, let us celebrate our good fortune! The evil that has plagued this land is done, and a new reign begins! Long live King Alexander and Queen Cassima!
Town Citizens : Long live King Alexander! Long live Queen Cassima! Long live the Land of the Green Isles! Hooray! Hooray! Hooray!
[Jollo claps his hands, The game ends and ending credits play]
