- Al Bundy: Pumpkin, what did we say about talking to Daddy? I'm watching my new favorite program.
- Kelly Bundy: 'Friends?' I thought you hated that show.
- Al Bundy: I do. But if you mute the sound and watch with binoculars, you can tell that Jennifer Aniston isn't wearing a bra.
- TV announcer: And now, 'Friends,' followed by the making of 'Friends.' And then, on the ten o'clock news, the cast of 'Cheers' discusses their favorite episodes of 'Friends.'
- Marcy D'Arcy: Yo there, bro...
- [George turns around looking stunned]
- Marcy D'Arcy: we're new to the 'hood.
- [George continues to look surprised at Jefferson and Marcy]
- Marcy D'Arcy: What can you recommend?
- George: The hamburgers.
- Jefferson D'Arcy: Oh, well, uh, we were hoping for something a little bit more, uh...
- [snaps his fingers a few times]
- Jefferson D'Arcy: down home!
- Marcy D'Arcy: You know, like collard greens, ox-tails, moon pies.
- George: I'm glad you've seen "Martin." But here, we serve... hamburgers!
- [drops the burgers in front of the D'Arcys]
- Marcy D'Arcy: Listen, homes...
- [George gets the befuddled look on his face again]
- Marcy D'Arcy: if you insist on dissing your customers in that manner, then we are just going to have to ease on down that road.
- Jefferson D'Arcy: Wooooooord!
- George: Well, then, I guess you want your order to go.
- [dumps the food and drinks in a paper bag and Jefferson takes it]
- Marcy D'Arcy: Your mama!
- [Al is channel surfing]
- Al: Ah, "Friends". Don't have 'em, don't need 'em, sure as hell don't wanna watch 'em.
- [changes the channel]
- Maria: You know what? You're no better then your skirt-chasing father.
- Tom: Hey, it was your mother who walked into a married man's house in that little maid's outfit and stole my father away from my own mother.
- Maria: She was the maid, you idiot.
- Tom: Still, I'm not like my father. I know the first name of almost every woman I've slept with. And with any luck, I'm about to learn a new one.