Donnie Darko (2001)

Stuart Stone: Ronald Fisher

Photos 

Quotes 

• Ronald Fisher : Beer and pussy. That's all I need.

  Sean Smith : We gotta find ourselves a Smurfette.

  Ronald Fisher : Smurfette?

  Sean Smith : Mm-hmm. Not some, like, tight-ass Middlesex chick, you know? Like, this cute little blonde that will get down and dirty with the guys. Like Smurfette does.

  Donnie : Smurfette doesn't fuck.

  Sean Smith : That's bullshit. Smurfette fucks all the other Smurfs. Why do you think Papa Smurf made her? Because all the other Smurfs were getting too horny.

  Ronald Fisher : No, no, no, not Vanity. I heard he was a homosexual.

  Sean Smith : Okay, well, you know what? Then she fucks them while Vanity watches. Okay?

  Ronald Fisher : What about Papa Smurf? I mean, he must get in on all the action.

  Sean Smith : Yeah, what he does, he films the gang-bang. Later on, he beats off to the tape.

  Donnie : [matter-of-factly]  First of all, Papa Smurf didn't create Smurfette. Gargamel did. She was sent in as Gargamel's evil spy with the intention of destroying the Smurf village. But the overwhelming goodness of the Smurf way of life transformed her. And as for the whole gang-bang scenario - It just couldn't happen. Smurfs are asexual. They don't even have reproductive organs under those little white pants. That's what's so illogical, you know, about being a Smurf. What's the point of living... if you don't have a dick?

  Ronald Fisher : [pause]  Damn it, Donnie. Why do you gotta get so smart on us?

• [Roberta Sparrow finds her mailbox empty and walk back to her house, only to turn around halfway] 

  Sean Smith : Oh, wait, wait, wait. She goes - She's going back to the box. We may still have mail.

  Ronald Fisher : Mail, mail, mail.

  Sean Smith : Here it is. And?

  Ronald Fisher : This could be it. Oh! No dice, Grandma.

  Sean Smith : No, sorry. Sorry.

  Ronald Fisher : Someone ought to write that bitch.

• Ronald Fisher : [mockingly, to Cherita Chen]  *Shut* up! Go back to China, bitch!

• Ronald Fisher : [to Cherita Chen]  Hey, Porky Pig, I hope you get molested.