American Pie 2 (2001)
Seann William Scott: Stifler
Photos
Quotes
-
[during drive to lake]
Stifler : Oh, yeah. The Stifmeister's coming back to Grand Harbor. Deck the halls. Bye-bye, Great Falls. Wipe my ass and lick my balls. It's Stifler time, baby. Whoo-hoo-hoo. Whoo-hoo-hoo.
-
Stifler : When a girl tells you how many guys she's slept with, multiply it by three and that's the real number. Didn't you fuckers learn anything in college?
-
Stifler : I got peed on!
-
Stifler : Jim. Can't you keep your shirt on? You're scaring the chicks away.
-
Little Boy : [into walky-talky] Red leader, what's your position?
Stifler : [on walky-talky] I'm touchin' his ass, I'm touchin' his ass, I'm touchin his ass, I'm touchin' his ass...
Little Boy : Mommy!
-
Stifler : You're a disgrace to men everywhere. I mean, look at the Stifmeister. I got laid 23 times this year, and I'm not counting the hummer I got in the library stacks, baby.
Oz : Here's a new idea for you Stifler. You find a girl, you two become best friends and you don't bother counting how many times you have sex with each other you just laugh at the people who do count.
Stifler : Here's a new idea for you. I'll get you a spoon so you can eat my ass.
-
[Stifler thinks champagne is being poured onto his head when he's actually being urinated on from the balcony]
Stifler : I can taste the bubbles.
-
Stifler : Where are the fuckin' females?
-
Stifler : [Stiffler and Jim have just kissed passionately, trying to get the girls to do each other] Dude, you're a fuckin' lousy kisser.
Jim : What? That's not fair! I wasn't trying there.
[to the girls]
Jim : I'm really bett...
Danielle : No judgment.
Jim : Wait a second, you were trying?
Stifler : Fuck, no!
Jim : You were trying!
Stifler : You were trying! Oh no I kissed Jim!
-
Male EMT : [when Stifler jumps onto the ambulance where Jim is being treated] Excuse me, sir, are you a family member?
Stifler : Fuck no, this is just too good to miss!
Male EMT : OK sir, you're just gonna have to wait here. All right?
Stifler : [ambulance drives away] Ha, ha! This summer's turned out to be great!
-
[Nadia is sitting at a table drinking a Pepsi when Sherman comes over to start a conversation]
Sherman : [a few minutes into the conversation] I am the Sherminator, a sophisticated Sex Robot sent through time to change the future for one lucky lady.
Nadia : I am lucky lady?
Sherman : That's right, Nadia. You've been targeted for Shermination. Come with me if you want to live.
Nadia : Oh! Oh, no! Oh! Help! Ohhh! Fuck me, geek!
Sherman : Affirmative!
[Sherman and Nadia go upstairs to have sex]
Stifler , Jessica : No fuckin' way!
Jessica : [Thinking if she would actually be able to get with Stifler] Forget it.
Stifler : Like you have a chance!
[Both knock back a shot]
-
Stifler : There's little hearts on her panties. There's little hearts on her panties.
-
Stifler : Ladies, I am down with the funky shit.
-
[Stifler's brother shows off two girls he picked up]
Stifler : Brilliant. You found Lesbians.
[scoffs]
Stifler : Good luck trying to break through that force field.
Danielle : Lesbians?
Amber : We never said that.
Stifler : What?
Amber : We never said that.
Stifler : Oh... Oh, man. I will do anything... ANYTHING to sleep with you, chicks, okay? I'll grab every guy's ass in this room. I'll caress it even. I'll even shave some ass if they need it!
[sounds of revulsion from young men at party]
Stifler : Oh, yeah! You heard me! I will kiss everybody here! Dudes, chicks, everybody! Because I am comfortable with my sexuality!
-
[the two "lesbians" are making the guys give each other hand jobs]
Stifler : It's okay. It's okay. I know what I have to do.
[starts undoing his shorts]
Stifler : I have to keep this party going. I'm taking one for the team.
[Finch and Jim run away]
Finch : I am not touching that!
Jim : Put that thing away Stifler!
Stifler : What's wrong with you guys? We almost had them. Why can't you guys be team players, huh? I was the one doing all the sacrificing.
-
Stifler : [answers the phone after awkward situation with Jim and Finch] Stiffler's palace of love... STRAIGHT love.
-
Stifler : Oh God, I kissed Jim.
-
Stifler : Finch, fist yourself!
-
Stifler : I just wanted to prove that you chicks are really lesbians!
-
Stifler : Now, just so there's no confusion, Santa Porn has brought us some hetrosexual entertainment.