America's Sweethearts (2001)

Hank Azaria: Hector

Photos 

Quotes 

• Leaf Weidmann : Can I defend my father's work?

  Gwen : No, you cannot. Who's her father?

  Lee : Hal.

  Gwen : No, you cannot!

  Leaf Weidmann : Well, at least let me defend Hector. I only slept with him once, but I know his penis is bigger than a roll of quarters.

  [crowd gasps] 

  Gwen : [to Hector]  You slept with her?

  Hector : No! I did not...

  Gwen : You slept with her!

  Hector : No! No, she is lying!

  [grabs the microphone] 

  Hector : Except for the part about my penis. That's true. It's bigger than coins.

• Hector : [Eddie is standing on the roof]  Is that Pussy Boy?

  Gwen : Oh, my God! He's gonna jump!

  Lee : He's not gonna jump.

  Gwen : I said I was going to give him the divorce papers.

  Lee : Shit, he's gonna jump!

• Hector : I really want to play a character like the Terminator, you know, because I think the Hispanic people are crying out to see a deadly, destructive, killing machine that they can embrace as their own, you know, that they can relate to...

• Hector : What? I'm not invited to the "hunket?"

  Lee : I'm thorry, it wath the thudio'th dethithion.

• Hector : Can I just say something please? Excuse me. What was said about my penis on the screen... that is completely false. Completely! I am extremely well hung. I will submit to a physical inspection right now.

• Hector : He's gonna be a pussy pancake.

• Hector : Who is this?

  Lee : Hi, Hector, I'm Lee Phillips, press agent for "Time Over Time." Just in case you thought I was some guy coming to sweep her off her feet.

  Hector : No, no. You're too old.

  Gwen : Oh! Hector, honey, be good. I'm sorry, Lee, he's Spanish.

  Lee : No problem. I was Spanish once myself.

• Hector : Ooh, pussy boy gonna splat!

• Gwen : [to the press]  I'm on pain medication that makes me say things I'd never say otherwise. To set the record perfectly straight, Eddie and I never had any plans to reconcile.

  Hector : [Hector clears his throat]  And?

  Gwen : Oh, and Hector is very well-endowed.

  Hector : Almost too well-endowed. I've had complaints. Literally.

• Hector : I'm with Gwen now. We're a couple. So we're gonna go to the "hhhunket" together.

• Hector : [points to Hal]  I will kick your ass! Okay? Understand that!

  Hal Weidmann : Who are you?

  Hector : Who am I? I am de ass kicker of you!

• Nevada Anchorman : [on the TV]  Is this a scene from their new movie, "Time Over Time"? No. That's Gwen Harrison and Eddie Thomas dancing in the moonlight for real. Hard to believe that America's Sweethearts are like we never thought we'd see them again...

  Hector : What the hell is going on?

  Nevada Anchorman : [on the TV]  ... in a passionate embrace.

  Hector : Goddamn it!

• Hector : Maybe you want to take a swing at me? Huh? Tall boy. Come on. Please, come on.

  Eddie : What are you...? What is that?

  Hector : Let's go. Please. Please, make my day.