America's Sweethearts (2001)

Stanley Tucci: Dave Kingman

Photos 

Quotes 

• Kingman : I spent eighty-six million dollars of the studio's money on twenty seconds of titles. That's all he sent me. The *titles*! And a note: "Dave, we could also do these in blue."

  [angrily crumples the note and hurls it to the floor] 

  Kingman : We *had* to make a Hal Weidmann picture!

  Davis : The man's won three Oscars. He's a genius.

  Kingman : No! There's only been one genius in this business, and that was Señor Wences! A little lipstick, some hair, and his hand, and the guy had a career for eighty-five years!

• Kingman : [on the phone]  Hi, Hal? How are you, darling? I've been thinking about you cause I... I wanted to... to... to send you a basket or something. How's the movie?

  Hal Weidmann : It's finding its way.

  Kingman : Well, do you think it could find its way to the studio? Because we have a few little things to do with it, like *finish* it.

  Hal Weidmann : It's finished, Dave.

  Kingman : Oh. Great! How is it?

  Hal Weidmann : My mother thinks it's the best thing I've ever done.

  Kingman : Can I speak with her?

  Hal Weidmann : No, Dave.

  Kingman : Can we send someone to pick it up, Hal?

  Hal Weidmann : You know, Dave, you haven't said anything yet about the titles.

  Kingman : Oh. Oh, I love them. I have no notes.

  Hal Weidmann : When's the press junket?

  Kingman : [apprehensively]  Weekend of the 21st. Why?

  Hal Weidmann : Cause I want the press to be the first to see it.

  Kingman : No...

  Hal Weidmann : I'll bring it to the junket. We'll all experience it together.

  Kingman : No, Hal! No, no, no! No, no, I'm the head of the studio! I don't experience things with the press!

  Hal Weidmann : I'm hanging up now, Dave.

• Dave : Remember the crazy guy in the woods?

  Davis : Ted Kaczynski.

  Dave : Who, the guy at Fox?

  Lee : The Unabomber.

  Dave : Yeah, the Unabomber. Okay? Remember how he lived in that little cabin?

  Lee : So?

  Dave : Hal Weidmann bought that cabin from the government and had it moved onto his property. That is where he edits his movies. That is his little, twisted, sicko office.

• Dave : [watching Eddie and Hector fight]  Ooh! This is good! Hit him! Hit him!

  Lee : Who?

  Dave : Anybody!

• Lee : Tell me what you want, I'll tell you what I want.

  Kingman : Okay, I want only one thing. If people think that Eddie and Gwen are going to get back together again, they will go see this movie. I need you to make that happen.

  Lee : [scoffs]  Oh, that'll be easy.

  Kingman : Well, look, just make it look like maybe it *could* happen...

  Lee : Dave, she has a restraining order against him, and he flipped out, he's nuts! He's living in some nut hut up in the mountains or something.

  Kingman : So what? I don't care! I need Eddie and Gwen back together again, smiling and happy! We can sell the shit out of that, Lee.

  Lee : What about the Spaniard?

  Kingman : Unless I get a script called "I Shtupped Castro", I don't know what to do with him. So what do you want?

  Lee : [points]  I want the golf cart.

  Kingman : No, that was a gift from Arnold, so...

  Lee : I'm kidding.

  Kingman : Oh... okay.

  Lee : I can have anything?

  Kingman : Yeah, any... within reason, yeah.

  Lee : I want my job back.

  Kingman : Lee, don't do this to me...

  Lee : [picks up his stuff, turns to walk away]  Listen, have a nice junket. Drop me a line, let me know how it went.

  Kingman : All right, Lee. Yes. If you get Eddie and Gwen back together again, you can have your job back.

• Lee : It's him. On the phone.

  Kingman : Who?

  Lee : Hal.

  Kingman : I'll kill him! That sick son-of-a-bitch bastard! Put him on the speaker!

  [Lee turns on the speaker] 

  Kingman : [sweetly]  Hi, Hal! How are you, darling? You're in my thoughts. I want to send you a basket.

• Dave : Hal here yet?

  Lee : No.

  Dave : [beat]  He's a dead man. No, I'm serious. I know a guy, I'll make a call, and... he's dead.

• Kingman : All right, look... if you won't do it for me, do it for my father, okay? You guys worked together a long time. You had a real bond.

  Lee : Your father was a psychotic.

  Kingman : You spoke at his funeral.

  Lee : I loved him. You I can't stand.

• Dave : Well, Lee, I have to say, you have completely outdone yourself. In twenty-four hours, you've given us a walk in the woods, a romantic dinner, and a fist fight. I can't wait to see what happens next!

  Lee : [pointedly]  Maybe I can get him to commit suicide. Would you like that?

  Dave : I don't know. Let me think about it.

  Lee : Oh, yeah. I mean, it won't help the initial release, but it'll rent like crazy when it goes to video. We can do a box like a coffin, maybe wrap it in a little black ribbon.

  Dave : Ooh, yeah. No, that's good. No, no, wait... imagine if he killed himself at the premiere.

  [pause] 

  Dave : I'm joking... I mean, I'm... thinking out loud, or whatever you call it.

• Lee : Why am I here? I'm just confused. I mean, after all, you did fire me last week, so why am I here?

  Dave : I brought you here to see the new Hal Weidmann film.