The Ronn Lucas Show (1990– )

Ronn Lucas: 1026 Srs H, Air Sick Bag, Buffalo Billy, Chuck, FDP1, FDP2, FDP2A, Ronn, Scorch, Tilly

Quotes 

• [Ronn and Billy are facing the audience] 

  Ronn : We want you now to prepare yourself for something dangerous and death defying. A test of nerve, strength and skill.

  Billy : That's right, Ronn's going to ask for a raise, arn't you Ronn?

• [Ronn and Billy are moving back along the tightrope to the ladder] 

  Billy : Is this dangerous?

  Ronn : Yes, it's dangerous. You shouldn't try this at home, folks!

  Billy : Right. Why are you bothering me with this? Why don't you use a live child?

• [Ronn and Cowboy Billy are about to perform a high wire act, when Billy reveals he is afraid of heights] 

  Ronn : What ever happened to your sense of adventure?

  Billy : Uh, I left it back in the dressing room. Can I go back to get it?

  Ronn : No no, no no no.

• Ronn : Walking the wire, Billy...

  Billy : Yeah...

  Ronn : is a whole lot...

  Billy : Uh hu...

  Ronn : like taking a stroll...

  Billy : Yes...

  Ronn : in the park.

  Billy : Yeah, Central Park on a Saturday night!

• Billy : Oh my gosh, this is blowing my mind!

  Ronn : We're not really that high.

  Billy : Oh no? I think we made the radar at Heathrow! Unidentified flying coward!

  Ronn : I thought cowboys had guts?

  Billy : Yes, Ronn, and this cowboy wants to keep his guts to himself!

• Billy : Ronn?

  Ronn : Yes?

  Billy : You need a net.

  Ronn : We don't need a net to catch us!

  Billy : No, I mean a net for your hair, its a mess!

• Billy : Tell me something.

  Ronn : What? What?

  Billy : How are you controlling me, through your ears?

  [Ronn laughs] 

• Ronn : Chuck, Chuck, we're going to do the High wire act. Can you come and intoduce us? Thanks a lot.

  [Chuck appears as Ronn carries Billy out of shot] 

  Chuck : Ladies and Gentlemen, Here's Ronn Lucus and that stupid cowboy!

• [Ronn and Scorch are sitting at the bar, with a paper bag next to them] 

  Ronn : [Looking in the bag]  You know, I've got some really nice cakes, here. All we need is something to wash them down with.

  [the lights dim, and a strange laugh can be heard] 

  Scorch : [Looking around]  Er, Ronn, you forgot to put 10p in the meter!

• [Dracula has just been lowered from the ceiling] 

  'Dracula' : I hate to say this...

  Scorch : But you're going to say it anyway!

  'Dracula' : But I just, *dropped* in!

• Ronn : [Indicating 'Dracula']  He's like an overdrawn blood bank!

  Scorch : You mean he's in the red?

• Scorch : [indicating the bag]  What I think you should do, is give him one of these special, pieces of bun, here. You see what I'm looking at?

  Ronn : O, yes. Hey, Count, how would you like something to eat, like a *hot* cross bun!

  [Ronn pulls a hot cross bun from the bag and holds it towards the 'Count', who recoils in fear] 

  'Dracula' : Argh! The old hot on the cross bun trick!

  Ronn : Shall I give it to him? Shall I give it to him?

  Scorch : Give it to him!

  Ronn : Here, Count!

  [Ronn throws the hot cross bun at the Count, who vanishes in a cloud of smoke, leaving a pile of dust on the bar] 

  Scorch : [Looking around]  Where'd he go? Where'd he go?

  Ronn : I don't know. There's nothing but a little pile of dust here.

  [Ronn blows at the dust] 

  'Dracula' : [Distant]  Ow!

  Scorch : Peter? I'm sorry!

  'Dracula' : [Distant]  It's alright, I'll get myself together later!