- Gloria DeHaven: [about their son Scotty] Now that he's turning 18 he can vote, you know.
- Donald O'Connor: Kids grow up fast enough. At 18 they're still innocent, trusting, open-minded, beautiful people. Why turn them into Democrats and Republicans?
- Lucille Ball: All my old shows are running morning, noon and night. If I went back, I'd be so busy rehearsing I wouldn't be able to watch my old shows morning, noon, and night.
- Mr. Luder: [answering the doorbell for Choo Choo] Mr. Silverman's a little wary of Orientals ever since he canceled "Kung Fu."
- Lucille Ball: Mr. Silverman, may I get you something? Scotch and soda? Bourbon and water? Milk and cookies?
- Fred Silverman - the President of NBC: I've been a fan of yours since you started, Miss Ball.
- Lucille Ball: Oh? You had a TV set in your nursery?
- Fred Silverman - the President of NBC: [on the phone] Hello, Fritz. Yes, that's what I told Jody. I'm sorry, I can't give the Oval Office an hour of prime time. After all, that's only the White House, not the "Little House on the Prairie."
- Fred Silverman - the President of NBC: [on the phone] Fifteen minutes, Jimmy. No, no, don't put Rosalynn on. I'm in a very important meeting with the first lady of television. That's right, Lucy.
- Johnny Carson: Don't tell me you're the one that has to find a new pilot for Don Rickles?
- Lucille Ball: No. I'm here to do a comedy show.
- Johnny Carson: Even when Milton Berle was Mr. Television, the network gave him the pink slip.
- Lucille Ball: Yeah, and he's still wearing it. It's amazing what some of these stars get for just showing up. Oh, not you, Johnny. You deserve every penny. You keep more people up at night than Mexican food.
- Lucille Ball: I played your secretary for so long, I'd feel uncomfortable giving you orders.
- Himself - Lucille's production assistant: Nonsense. When you played my secretary on "The Lucy Show" you always gave me more orders than I ever gave you.
- Lucille Ball: [about Gene Kelly and Donald O'Connor's friendship] Who could ever forget you two in "Singing Up a Storm"?
- Gene Kelly: It was called "Singin' in the Rain".
- Lucille Ball: Oh? You made a sequel?
- Lucille Ball: Don't you think people will believe you as a father?
- Donald O'Connor: My own kids don't.
- Himself - Lucille's production assistant: You have children, huh?
- Donald O'Connor: Oh, yes, four. Two boys, a girl, and one that won't tell us what it is."
- Lucille Ball: I'm going to trust my own instincts. The public is fed up with computers deciding what they want to see.
- Donald O'Connor: Hey Lola, what's with the earphones?
- Lola: It's Earth Wind and Fire.
- Donald O'Connor: I don't care if it's Olivia Newton and John.
- Ivery: Woo-wee! I just love that old-time jive. You must have been a real groovy rudy to cut a rug while you jitterbug to Swing and Sway with Sammy Kaye.
- Donald O'Connor: Well, it sure beats tryin' to dance to that hooey of David Bowie.
- Ivery: [about Scotty's collectible banjo] Who's Eddie Peabody?"
- Scotty: Oh, he was a banjo player.
- Donald O'Connor: A banjo player? Eddie Peabody A banjo player? Was Nijinsky a hoofer? Was Rembrandt a cartoonist? Is Danny Thomas the Pope?
- Himself - Lucille's production assistant: [about Scotty's collectible Eddie Peabody banjo] Wasn't he was a banjo player?
- Scotty: A banjo player? You call Eddie Peabody just A banjo player? Was Nijinsky a bush pilot? Was Lindbergh a dancer? Is the Pope Danny Thomas?
- [Sitting in Lucy's office, Johnny Carson is startled by a loud, warbling bird call]
- Lucille Ball: Quiet, Clyde!
- Johnny Carson: Clyde?
- Lucille Ball: Fred Silverman gave me a live peacock to remind me that I'm now at NBC.