Cuentos colorados (1981) Poster

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3/10
And I Usually Like this Genre...
fatcat-7345020 April 2022
This is a so-called fichera (sex comedy) of the 1980's starring the most prolific and renowned actor in the genre, croaky-voiced Alfonso Zayas.

I usually like this genre, but this particular exemplar of is quite terrible. It consists almost entirely of fanciful sexual wordplay and sexual situations involving buxom women prancing around in their underwear. It's as if the team gathered a focus group of their target demographic, asked them what two things they liked best in movies, and then cranked up the meter on each of them to 10 with reckless abandon.

The thin plot involves Alfonso Zayas working as the general manager of a brothel. Different types of johns with strange tastes and/or unpleasant identities come to spend their money and that's about it. The most notable of these is a group of Jews, and their story arc takes up the most screen time (I don't see why it had to be Jews, but they milk the group for all they're worth, giving them all strange accents and making a bunch of references to Palestine).

It's barely watchable. They were probably trying to follow in the footsteps of Cantinflas, but they went overboard with the wordplay. There's a pun in almost every interaction. Most of the rest is just women walking around in their underwear. They even devote a useless 10-minute sequence to Alfonso Zayas dancing wordlessly with every woman working at the brothel.

Zayas doesn't get all that much development except for little spikes here and there, so I can't say they utilize his character well, even though he's usually a joy to watch. Although he tended to be part of a comedic team in most movies, he's the only male lead here. He's been able to work with it before, but this one was just too emptily written to make full use of him. It has a few laughs here and there, but 90 minutes of it was just too much.

Probably took a week to make and, unfortunately, it felt like it took a week to watch, too.

Honorable Mentions: T2 Trainspotting (2017). One of the characters tries to run a sort of brothel where he videotapes powerful people and then blackmails them. One of the greatest movies of all time.
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