Issues 101 (2002)

Michael Rozman: Joe Phillips

Quotes 

• Joe Phillips : Gimme your hand. You got nice hands.

  Christian : Joe, stop fucking around!

• Joe Phillips : Now, gimme your hand. I'm helping you.

  Christian : Oh, this is helping me?

  Joe Phillips : Yes. I think I know something about you.

  Christian : And what's that?

  Joe Phillips : You can tell a lot by a guy's hand, whether he's loving, caring, sensitive and sweet, or about to get his rocks off.

  Christian : Fuck! I KNEW you'd find out! That fucking bitch, Mark. I KNEW he'd fucking tell you!

• Steve Radberry : You're here so I can make sure you're all right. Fuckin' A.

  Joe Phillips : No, I'm here because you're Christian's big brother.

  Steve Radberry : So, they didn't haze you?

  Joe Phillips : I didn't say that.

  Steve Radberry : Damn it. Uh, they promised me they were going to stop that crap already. You're here, and I'm supposed to tell you that just because you sucked some guy's dick does not make you gay.

  Joe Phillips : What?

  Steve Radberry : Well, you did play with a guy, did you not?

  Joe Phillips : Well, that's kind of personal.

  Steve Radberry : Well, it's okay. I can't believe that they're still doing that stupid ass thing.

  Joe Phillips : Would it make a difference if I told you I was gay?

  Steve Radberry : Shut the fuck up. You are not.

  Joe Phillips : I...

  Steve Radberry : Listen, I'm sorry, but just because they made you play with some guy's dick does not make you gay, all right?

  Joe Phillips : It's not all right.

  Steve Radberry : Listen, you like girls, don't you?

  Joe Phillips : No.

  Steve Radberry : Whatever happened in that room or wherever, d... It doesn't change the feeling that you have urges to be with women.

  Joe Phillips : I don't have urges to be with women.

  Steve Radberry : Whatever. It doesn't change you. Really.

• Joe Phillips : It just seems weird, don't you think? I mean, taking your fuck-buddy up to spend quality time with your girlfriend?

• Christian : Well, I hope you don't mind, but I kind of invited my younger brother Michael up for the weekend. That way, you have someone to hang with while Kim and I are doin' the... relationship thing. But in the meantime, get to know Michael.

  Joe Phillips : What if we don't have anything in common?

  Christian : Oh, you do.

  Joe Phillips : What?

  Christian : Let's just say... you like the same thing.

• Christian : Look, Joe, I fucked up. I fucked up badly. God! I was just so jealous of you and Michael.

  Joe Phillips : How can you get jealous of Michael and I? You're not gay, remember?

  Christian : Well, I can tell you that doesn't stop me from being jealous.

• Joe Phillips : I can't read your mind. I don't know if you want me... I don't... I don't even know if you're hitting on me. I don't know if I can hit on you. I don't know if you want me to be close to you. I don't know if you want me far away. I have no idea what you want. If you want me around, you gotta... you gotta... you gotta clear some stuff up here. You gotta help me out.

• Michael : I thought you said that you loved me! You said that I was the only one! You said that I was your first!

  Joe Phillips : You are! You were!

  Michael : Bullshit! You lied to me.

  Joe Phillips : I didn't lie to you. I meant everything I said. I didn't lie.

  Michael : Then why is there a loose videotape of my ex-"boyfriend" fucking somebody else?

• Joe Phillips : I just thought you were asking me to move in here, with you.

  Todd : M-m-move in with me? No. What, do you think I'm gay or something?

  Joe Phillips : Yeah. You're not?

  Todd : No. Why would you think that? Where did you get that?

  Joe Phillips : I don't know. I mean, you asked me out for a drink...

  Todd : No. No-no. I asked you to come over here, and we could have a beer, and we could talk about the fraternity. That's it. We're just talkin', man. That is ALL.

• Joe Phillips : If you want something from her, you gotta prove to her that she's worth something, okay? And you gotta prove that you're not gonna run away.

  Tim : Away? Where?

  Joe Phillips : That you're not... That it's not just a one-night-stand.

  Tim : Well, that's pretty fuckin' stupid. Why would I wanna have sex with her just once? I mean, what is she thinking?

  Joe Phillips : Well, she's probably thinking about all the other guys that've just had sex with her and then taken off.

  Tim : She's had sex with a lot of guys that just took off?