"Die Kinder meiner Braut", which means "My Bride's Children", is a German television film from 2004 that runs for minimally under 1.5 hours as they usually do. The director is Gabi Kubach and she worked on so many trashy films throughout her long career it's not even funny anymore. The writer is Christiane Sadlo and her body of work is packed with the eternal crap trifecta of Pilcher, Lindström and Dannela adaptations and everything else she worked on is not really any better. So tough to say who, in this complete absence of talent, is less talented here, the direcctor or the writer. Maybe the edge goes to the director becaue she has been makking movies since the early 70s(!) and the writer "only" since the early 90s. But for both of them, another career path would have been a much better choice. The good news is that both of them are retired now for about a decade, but they sure left us a gigantic body of atrocities and this film here is a perfect example of that. You will rarely find a film anywhere that was so doomed from the start looking at whho was majorly in charge behind the camera. It's from 2004, so already definitely the much latter stages from both their careers, even if the film is already over 15 years old now. Shameful this is still on national television such a long time later. Embarrassing really. Your GEZ money at work, folks. Stand up. By the way, what is equally embarrassing is that this is a sequel and I have zero doubts that the first film from a few years earlier was just as bad. Props to the lead actress there who decided to not return for this movie here. Sonsee Neu plays her part instead, same character name and all, but while I think Sonsee is always a bit on the attractive side, my type kind of, it's tough to say anything positive about her acting. Everything I have seen her in, also the funny Pastewka series and not just these crappy Degeto films, she plays kind of the same character. I guess her aforementioned looks and recognition value resulting from extreme overexposure are the reason why she is constantly getting lead roles to this day. Or at leastg in 2004, not sure how things are looking for her in 2020. Not totallly bad though I'm sure. Lead actor Michael von Au knew no shame apparently though and returned for this sequel that luckily ended the series and they made no third film. Maybe the fact that he was in the first too and is in the second is the reason why his character is featured slightly more prominently here than his female co-lead. And when a movie is promotoed by the fact that Francis Fulton-Smith has a guest appearance, then you know what to expect quality-wise and that you wanna stay far, far away from the outcome, even if FFS is not as bad as von Au, who is really the epitome of a weak television actor with nno degree of quality in his body of work and no talent or versatility. Rest of the cast I cannot say anything about, also if they had been in the first as I did not wwatch that one. Pretty sure if I did, I would not like this one here more though. Oh yes, Thomas Rühmann is in here. "In aller Freundschaft". Nuff said.
Now just a few moments and references from this film why it sucks. Sucks a lot in fact. Of course, the two protagonists here are a successful doctor and a tough cop. Yeah right. Speaking of the cop side, these two fools that she is the boss of are never funny, always embarrassing. Of course, they are also around on the guard when the male protagonist tries to milk mares on a farm. Don't even ask. Female protagonist is also there a few seconds later of course. So stupid. Of all the cops out there. And what happens next. Yep, her two cops have to milk the mares. Very accurate police work there. Or wait, it was supposed to be funny right? So the small moments suck. Same applies to the key plot. Let's take the general idea here. We have a woman who does not want any kids and we have a man who wants to be a biological father. And in the end, they end up with three adopted children. Needs some quality writing to make that believable. They came extremely short I must say. The opposite is the case. The end is all about pseudo happiness and fake and as unrealistic and unauthentic as it gets. And while they're at it, let's just rush in the wedding referenced early on and while we're at it, let's also say the female protagonist is finally pregnant. It almost felt as if Neu herself was embarrassed the moment she told her movie husband. It's all so stupid and absurd. Already how the kids even end up with the two main characters. The connection is really vague, the distance is massive and yet there they are at their doorstep. The worst about it all is, however, that this film takes itself so seriously all the time. Just take the tearjerker moment when daddy announces there are people who will adopt these poor orphans and the camera moves so close to the kids' faces. I don't even know what to say. This was one of maybe three or four moments that were really so bad that they were funny again. But unintentionally of course. If you decide to see this film (and I hope you won't! please don't), then you will know what I mean, even if probably you will not think the exact same during those moments I meant, but on other occasions. Ah yes, this film already hits rock bottom very early on with the marriage proposal plot and the ring in the bread roll or so. Almost felt sorry there for how Neu's character was written and how she goes to the door when it rings etc. Was this supposed to metaphorically imply kids are more important to her then getting married? In any case, it felt extremely clumsy like everything else. Oh yes, there is also this guy on the run from the police that our doctor has to take care of secretly. Oh no, he is going to a priest. Well, that was his excuse. And what happens the minute afterwards. The priest calls and the female protagonist knows it's not true. I guess the priest calls on a daily basis there no? They did not even put in any effort to tell us what the priestg wants. So poor writing. I don't even know what to say about this travesty anymore. Of course, the guy the doctor helps is not the one who attacks the horses and the latter is also caught as we find out 1000% happy ending. Screw realism. Also there is really one person on the plant with asthma apparently. That shall be enough. This film is an utter abomination, even for Degeto it is bad and if you know what they did over the years and how much, you know what that means. If I gave less than two stars, here I absolutely would. Maybe it sounds harsh, but the film is indeed this bad and all my perceptions apply. So stay away at any cost. Highly not recommended. Ah yes, also anti-male as always. Lady's about to get a promotion and already has a pretty decent job while the guy is the longing desperate fool.Degeto is almost always anti-male to even further appeal to the very simple female audience members as this film is like most of the other stuff they do primarlily for women. If you are female and see through this charade and see it as the crap it is, I applaud you. That's it now for real, hope I can forget about this mess as soon as possible. No excuse for this having a rating higher than five on imdb, actually being closer to 6. It should be considerably lower. Don't be fooled. Nothing makes sense in this film.
Now just a few moments and references from this film why it sucks. Sucks a lot in fact. Of course, the two protagonists here are a successful doctor and a tough cop. Yeah right. Speaking of the cop side, these two fools that she is the boss of are never funny, always embarrassing. Of course, they are also around on the guard when the male protagonist tries to milk mares on a farm. Don't even ask. Female protagonist is also there a few seconds later of course. So stupid. Of all the cops out there. And what happens next. Yep, her two cops have to milk the mares. Very accurate police work there. Or wait, it was supposed to be funny right? So the small moments suck. Same applies to the key plot. Let's take the general idea here. We have a woman who does not want any kids and we have a man who wants to be a biological father. And in the end, they end up with three adopted children. Needs some quality writing to make that believable. They came extremely short I must say. The opposite is the case. The end is all about pseudo happiness and fake and as unrealistic and unauthentic as it gets. And while they're at it, let's just rush in the wedding referenced early on and while we're at it, let's also say the female protagonist is finally pregnant. It almost felt as if Neu herself was embarrassed the moment she told her movie husband. It's all so stupid and absurd. Already how the kids even end up with the two main characters. The connection is really vague, the distance is massive and yet there they are at their doorstep. The worst about it all is, however, that this film takes itself so seriously all the time. Just take the tearjerker moment when daddy announces there are people who will adopt these poor orphans and the camera moves so close to the kids' faces. I don't even know what to say. This was one of maybe three or four moments that were really so bad that they were funny again. But unintentionally of course. If you decide to see this film (and I hope you won't! please don't), then you will know what I mean, even if probably you will not think the exact same during those moments I meant, but on other occasions. Ah yes, this film already hits rock bottom very early on with the marriage proposal plot and the ring in the bread roll or so. Almost felt sorry there for how Neu's character was written and how she goes to the door when it rings etc. Was this supposed to metaphorically imply kids are more important to her then getting married? In any case, it felt extremely clumsy like everything else. Oh yes, there is also this guy on the run from the police that our doctor has to take care of secretly. Oh no, he is going to a priest. Well, that was his excuse. And what happens the minute afterwards. The priest calls and the female protagonist knows it's not true. I guess the priest calls on a daily basis there no? They did not even put in any effort to tell us what the priestg wants. So poor writing. I don't even know what to say about this travesty anymore. Of course, the guy the doctor helps is not the one who attacks the horses and the latter is also caught as we find out 1000% happy ending. Screw realism. Also there is really one person on the plant with asthma apparently. That shall be enough. This film is an utter abomination, even for Degeto it is bad and if you know what they did over the years and how much, you know what that means. If I gave less than two stars, here I absolutely would. Maybe it sounds harsh, but the film is indeed this bad and all my perceptions apply. So stay away at any cost. Highly not recommended. Ah yes, also anti-male as always. Lady's about to get a promotion and already has a pretty decent job while the guy is the longing desperate fool.Degeto is almost always anti-male to even further appeal to the very simple female audience members as this film is like most of the other stuff they do primarlily for women. If you are female and see through this charade and see it as the crap it is, I applaud you. That's it now for real, hope I can forget about this mess as soon as possible. No excuse for this having a rating higher than five on imdb, actually being closer to 6. It should be considerably lower. Don't be fooled. Nothing makes sense in this film.