Kaamelott (2004–2009)

Nicolas Gabion: Bohort, roi de Gaunes, Bohort, chevalier, Bohort, Bohort - Roi de Gaunes

Photos 

Quotes 

• Bohort, chevalier : Sire! Don't go in there!

  Arthur, roi de Bretagne : Why not? It's the throne room.

  Bohort, chevalier : Atilla is in there! They say where he goes the grass doesn't grow back.

  Arthur, roi de Bretagne : There's no grass in the throne room.

• [Venec is still boasting about his products] 

  Venec : [showing small toothed pliers]  This is part of what I call the travel range. When you are out and you don't want to carry all the other stuff around with you, you take this.

  Léodagan, roi de Carmélide : And that's for?

  Venec : You chop off a finger at the first phalanx.

  Arthur, roi de Bretagne : Well, that's less vicious anyway.

  Bohort, chevalier : Less vicious?

  Arthur, roi de Bretagne : Compared with everything else.

  Venec : It is progressive. One phalanx, another phalanx, if that does not work, you return to the first finger, you take out another phalanx... Anyway, it comes with a booklet which explains it all.

  Léodagan, roi de Carmélide : We can always take four or five of them, not a bad investment.

  Venec : There we go, the whole tour. There is also this...

  [brings out large shears] 

  Venec : It is a beautiful tool, too.

  Arthur, roi de Bretagne : What do you cut with that?

  Venec : Whatever you like really, but it's rather for anything genital.

  Bohort, chevalier : Do you mind if I vomit?

• [Arthur, his knights and Père Blaise are meeting at the round table] 

  Galessin, Duc d'Orcanie : Sire, I'm trying to understand.

  Calogrenant, Roi d'Ecosse : We've succeeded in catching the cattle thief, but he refuses to tell us the name of his accomplice: what are we waiting for?

  Arthur, roi de Bretagne : What are we waiting for?

  [checking with Père Blaise] 

  Arthur, roi de Bretagne : He still doesn't want to talk?

  Père Blaise : Still not. He says that we get on his nerves.

  Calogrenant, Roi d'Ecosse : Even better.

  Galessin, Duc d'Orcanie : Who does he think we are, I ask you!

  Bohort, chevalier : What do you want us to do about it?

  Calogrenant, Roi d'Ecosse : We're not lacking in solutions.

  Léodagan, roi de Carmélide : It's true that it's curious, this not wanting to torture. Where does it come from?

  Arthur, roi de Bretagne : It comes from my home. There's no torture, that's all.

  Bohort, chevalier : It's good that.

  Galessin, Duc d'Orcanie : Yes, it's very good. Very modern.

  Calogrenant, Roi d'Ecosse : And while we're waiting the accomplice is getting away.

  Léodagan, roi de Carmélide : [to Arthur]  Torture, it's not what you think! When it's done by a pro there's not a drop of blood.

  Calogrenant, Roi d'Ecosse : Just taking the tools out he cracks.

  Arthur, roi de Bretagne : And if he doesn't crack?

  Léodagan, roi de Carmélide : Ah well, then it's butchery!

• Arthur, roi de Bretagne : Only last week the king of Orcadie had the tongue and fingernails removed from a knight who spilt meat juice on his shoes.

  Bohort, chevalier : What has this to do with a ghost?

  Arthur, roi de Bretagne : You don't think I may be one of the milder kings?

• Bohort, chevalier : If only the king had your strength of character.

  Léodagan, roi de Carmélide : What with his sword that lights up, his Merlin who does nothing and his lady of the lake who takes herself for a trout, the only thing the king of Britain is missing is a trapeze act.

• Arthur, roi de Bretagne : How do you explain that I didn't hear the screams?

  Bohort, chevalier : You were asleep.

  Arthur, roi de Bretagne : Precisely.

• Bohort, chevalier : We make the changes as the occur.

  Père Blaise : Well make them yourself, I've had enough, I give up.

  [pause] 

  Père Blaise : Sorry. I'd just finished a superb 's'.