Kaamelott (2004–2009)

Jean-Christophe Hembert: Karadoc, chevalier de Vannes, Karadoc, Karadoc de Vannes, Karadoc - Chevalier de Vannes

Photos 

Quotes 

• Père Blaise : Ok, this is how it sounds "Chevaliers Perceval and Karadoc boldy boarded the boat, slew the giant serpent and were welcomed back to the village as heroes". How's that?

  Perceval, chevalier du pays de Galles : Good.

  Karadoc, chevalier de Vannes : Except we didn't get on a boat.

  Père Blaise : What then?

  Perceval, chevalier du pays de Galles : Nothing. We were at the edge of the lake. I just took off my boots.

  Karadoc, chevalier de Vannes : We had water up to our knees.

  Arthur, roi de Bretagne : And the giant serpent attacked you at the edge of the lake.

  Karadoc, chevalier de Vannes : Yes.

  Arthur, roi de Bretagne : In that much

  [about three feet] 

  Arthur, roi de Bretagne : water.

  Karadoc, chevalier de Vannes : Yes.

  Arthur, roi de Bretagne : How big was this giant serpent?

  Perceval, chevalier du pays de Galles : About this long

  [about two feet] 

  Perceval, chevalier du pays de Galles : .

  Arthur, roi de Bretagne : So basically you caught an eel.

  Perceval, chevalier du pays de Galles : It's the smallest ones you have to watch out for.

  Karadoc, chevalier de Vannes : They're fast.

  Arthur, roi de Bretagne : The villagers welcomed you back as heros?

  Perceval, chevalier du pays de Galles : They're overrun by eels. Catching one does them a favour.

  Arthur, roi de Bretagne : You're not fish wardens!

  Père Blaise : So will you be going back?

  Perceval, chevalier du pays de Galles : It's a long way.

  Karadoc, chevalier de Vannes : 40 days to get there.

  Perceval, chevalier du pays de Galles : The same to get back.

  Arthur, roi de Bretagne : The time you were away three months it was that?

  Père Blaise : I don't know how I'm gonna make this sound good.

• Perceval, chevalier du pays de Galles : This table, it's called the "table of the cavaliers".

  Karadoc, chevalier de Vannes : There was a guy who called it the "table of the two idiots" but I don't think he recognised us.

• Arthur, roi de Bretagne : We've asked Karadoc to be here because he's an expert on bread.

  Guethenoc, peasant : An expert on bread?

  Arthur, roi de Bretagne : Yes. So, Karadoc? What do you think of this one?

  Karadoc, chevalier de Vannes : It's shit.

• Karadoc, chevalier de Vannes : Ah, this inn's the best place to be.

  Perceval, chevalier du pays de Galles : [to the hooded figure at the table]  Hey, there's a free table over there you know.

  Karadoc, chevalier de Vannes : [the figure lowers his hood - it's Arthur]  Sire! What are you doing here?

  Arthur, roi de Bretagne : And you, you bunch of idiots?

• Arthur, roi de Bretagne : It was a good idea that. To give them one of your cows.

  Karadoc, chevalier de Vannes : I don't have cows.

  Arthur, roi de Bretagne : What? Where are you going to get one from then?

  Karadoc, chevalier de Vannes : I thought maybe Kaamelott could give them a cow.

  Arthur, roi de Bretagne : Kaamelott is not a bovine collective, we don't have any!

  Karadoc, chevalier de Vannes : Oops.

• Arthur, roi de Bretagne : Do you know Seigneur Karadoc?

  Guethenoc, peasant : Of course. He's the only member of the court who buys paté by the pound. If everyone did that, there'd never be an unhappy peasant again!

  Arthur, roi de Bretagne : It's true that from a military point of view, weaponary and military strategy, it's not the best. We can say that.

  Karadoc, chevalier de Vannes : I'm not saying anything.

  Arthur, roi de Bretagne : However, if it concerns food-

  Léodagan, roi de Carmélide : There, expert. Prince of the fork, except he eats with his fingers.

  Karadoc, chevalier de Vannes : I fear no-one.

  Arthur, roi de Bretagne : Anyway. We've asked him here to taste your bread.

  Guethenoc, peasant : I also fear no-one.

  Karadoc, chevalier de Vannes : I'll start.

  Arthur, roi de Bretagne : Go ahead.

  Karadoc, chevalier de Vannes : Which one?

  Léodagan, roi de Carmélide : The classic.

  Guethenoc, peasant : Wheat and rye, it's what I sell most of.

  [Karadoc tries a piece] 

  Arthur, roi de Bretagne : Well?

  Karadoc, chevalier de Vannes : It's crap.

  Guethenoc, peasant : What? This is your expert?

  Léodagan, roi de Carmélide : Karadoc, try not to be so categoric.

  Arthur, roi de Bretagne : Try to develop it a bit.

  Karadoc, chevalier de Vannes : There's nothing to develop. It's crap that's all. If they served me this in an inn the innkeeper would get a quiche in his face.

  Guethenoc, peasant : You who are impartial, sire, you try it.

  Arthur, roi de Bretagne : Oh no, I know this one.

  Guethenoc, peasant : Taste it.

  Arthur, roi de Bretagne : Nothing doing.

  Léodagan, roi de Carmélide : With paté it's not magic but alone I feel like I'm eating my shoes.

• Karadoc, chevalier de Vannes : [Lancelot has just returned from a meeting with the King and Père Blaise to assess his heroic activities during the past week]  How did it go?

  Perceval, chevalier du pays de Galles : Are they happy?

  Lancelot : I didn't have much this week. I saved an old man and his two sons from a forest fire.

  Perceval, chevalier du pays de Galles : And the King wasn't impressed?

  Lancelot : He's used to better from me.

  Karadoc, chevalier de Vannes : Well that's all right, he's used to nothing at all from us.

• Arthur, roi de Bretagne : [discussing the new round table]  I'm not sure about the leather, though.

  Karadoc, chevalier de Vannes : It does look a bit like a dressmaker's studio.

• Arthur, roi de Bretagne : It's not an option, you note down everything. I never asked for letters 15 feet high and decorated with flowers and angels though.

  Karadoc, chevalier de Vannes : Don't take out the pictures, it's the only bit I understand.