- Ralph Kramden: [Looking at a radio that is shaped like a female cat] How do you turn her on?
- Ed Norton: I usually bite her ear.
- Ralph Kramden: Not Trixie. The cat!
- Ralph Kramden: Well, the party's on me. I'm taking everybody to the Hong Kong Gardens for Chinese food.
- Ed Norton: Can I order from column A and column B?
- Ralph Kramden: You can have anything you want.
- Ed Norton: [holding the cat radio] Beautiful. All right, Trixie. Let's go home. I'll get a little romantic music on the cat, we'll sip some champagne, and who knows what may develop before we reach the dark at the top of the stairs.
- Mrs. Gibson - Alice's Mother: [Mrs. Gibson finds Ralph and Norton getting ready to sleep in the same bed. Ralph is rubbing Norton's back and singing "The Last Time I Saw Paris."] Just as I thought. I'm calling Anita Bryant the first thing in the morning.
- Ed Norton: She got me out there on a very clever ruse. She says, "Ed, go out there on the fire escape and water the petunias." After I get out there, I realize you don't water petunias in the wintertime. Second of all, I realized we don't have no petunias.