- Kate Tanner: Has anyone seen my yellow ribbon?
- 'ALF': I don't know, what color is it? Ha! I kill me.
- Brian Tanner: Ha! You kill me.
- Willie Tanner: ALF why are you answering the phone?
- 'ALF': I live here.
- Willie Tanner: I called to speak to Mrs Ochmonek
- 'ALF': Hold on, I'll get her.
- Willie Tanner: I'll call back.
- 'ALF': Your dime.
- [The phone rings again, as Mrs Ochmonek approaches the phone, it steps]
- Willie Tanner: Why do you keep answering the phone?
- 'ALF': You keep calling
- Willie Tanner: Where's Mrs Ochmonek?
- 'ALF': I don't know, the last time I saw her, she was stealing my pizza oh and don't worry about the cat.
- Willie Tanner: Why? What happened to lucky?
- Willie Tanner: I might've stepped on him when I opened the fridge door.
- Willie Tanner: You were in the kitchen?
- 'ALF': I had to break in through the back door after I fell out the window.
- Willie Tanner: Where are you, what are you doing?
- 'ALF': I'm in the bedroom wearing a blue dress.
- Willie Tanner: Don't go anywhere
- 'ALF': Where would I go? I'm not wearing the right shoes
- Willie Tanner: [Hangs up] I should've locked him in the garage!
- [To a fellow social worker]
- Willie Tanner: Kids
- Kate Tanner: [about Brian] He can't stay home alone.
- 'ALF': I'll stay.
- Lynn Tanner: I'll stay.
- Kate Tanner: No, you're in the wedding party.
- 'ALF': I'm not.
- Kate Tanner: What are we going to do?
- 'ALF': Hello!
- 'ALF': Um, excuse me, sir. Can I have a word with you?
- Andrew Seminick, Burglar: Who said that?
- 'ALF': I did. Could you take some constructive criticism? What you're doing here is wrong.
- Andrew Seminick, Burglar: [Looks at ALF with a flashlight] Heh heh. Must be one of them talking dolls.
- 'ALF': Oh yeah? Ever had a talking doll rip out your voice box?
- Andrew Seminick, Burglar: HUH? AAAUGH!
- [Jumps out the bedroom window, scared]
- 'ALF': What does missile man become when he does this?
- [He bends the leg]
- Brian Tanner: He becomes broken.
- Raquel Ochmonek: ..Pizza reappears.. Well i'll be gotothemarket, it's back!
- Trevor Ochmonek: I'll be gotothemarket?