- [Sam looks over Wednesday's little grave markers of famous people and characters who've died by beheading]
- Sam Picasso: Little Red Riding Hood - 'she' didn't die.
- Wednesday Addams: The way 'we' play it she does.
- Morticia Addams: Mail's in.
- Gomez Addams: [kissing her arm, not wanting to stop] We've got all we need.
- Grandmama: But what I need is the eye of a critic.
- Gomez Addams: A critic?
- Grandmama: Yes, someone who'd give an unbiased opinion of my work.
- Gomez Addams: If you don't believe me, you could ask Uncle Fester.
- Grandmama: Oh well, he's sweet, but he has an axe to grind.
- Gomez Addams: Well that's just for recreation.
- Gomez Addams: If this isn't Pablo Picasso, then we've discovered a great new talent!
- Bosley Swain: Oh, come now. I'll admit he showed promise as a young man, but he hasn't painted anything but, but wallpaper in years now.
- Gomez Addams: Some day that wallpaper will be worth a fortune.
- Uncle Fester: Lurch told me you had Paris on the line. Could you switch me over to the Folies Bergère? I'd like to talk to my French pen pal.
- Gomez Addams: I thought Yvonne lived in a convent?
- Uncle Fester: No, she moved.
- Grandmama: You don't talk to pen pals, you write to them.
- Uncle Fester: Darn.
- Morticia Addams: [being introduced to 'The Great Picasso'] You know it's strange, I was under the impression that you were short and round and bald...
- Gomez Addams: Darling, he's short and round. You can't have everything.