The Addams Family (TV Series)

Cousin Itt's Problem (1965)

Jackie Coogan: Uncle Fester

Photos 

Quotes 

• Uncle Fester : You know, this could be the start of a whole new career for me: I can get a job at the zoo growin' hair on bald eagles.

• Gomez Addams : Without his hair, what is he?

  Uncle Fester : Nothing.

  Gomez Addams : Absolutely nothing.

• Uncle Fester : Oh, don't you worry. I'm an old hand at curing baldness.

• Uncle Fester : Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the fairest of them all.

  [the mirror shatters] 

  Uncle Fester : Boy! Am I that hansom?

  [the mirror cashes to the floor] 

  Uncle Fester : Wow!

• Uncle Fester : I know that Emily Post says to wait one week, but how 'bout you and me steppin' out tonight? Skateboarding? Water polo? A drive-in movie that's closed?

  Mrs. Dragwater : Well...

  Uncle Fester : It's a date! I'll borrow Mama's motor scooter.

• Morticia Addams : Mrs. Dragwater averted heartbreak by going back to her husband.

  Gomez Addams : Her husband? Rover T. Dragwater? I know him, he's fat, bald and has a high, squeaky voice.

  Uncle Fester : [scoffs]  Well if that's her taste...

  [snaps his fingers] 

• [Uncle Fester's potion grows hair on a banana] 

  Uncle Fester : Fester! You've done it! The first non-skid banana peel.

• Uncle Fester : [taking Mrs. Dragwater's hand]  Such a delicate little hand.

  Uncle Fester : [kissing Mrs. Dragwater's hand]  And tasty, too.