- Lurch: [announcing] The press.
- Reporter: I'm Brown from The Sun.
- Gomez Addams: Ah, you certainly look it!
- Morticia Addams: Gomez, darling.
- Gomez Addams: Yes, my dear.
- Morticia Addams: It's time for your baby-kissing practice session.
- Mayor Arthur J. Henson: Just one moment, madam. Did I understand you to say that Gomez Addams is your son?
- Grandmama Addams: Oh, sure. Has been for years.
- Morticia Addams: Incompetence in office - the bane of our existence!
- Gomez Addams: To think that in the last election I voted for that unmitigated scoundrel!
- Morticia Addams: Not only that, darling, you voted for him twice.
- Gomez Addams: [dictating his speech] ... and rest assured, ladies and gentlemen, that the Addams campaign will remain dignified, on a high level and completely free from the scurrilous tactics of my conniving, double-dealing scoundrel of an opponent.
- Reporter: How do you feel about slums?
- Morticia Addams: Oh, preserving our historical landmark is his first consideration.
- Gomez Addams: Start out picking on slums, you wind up doing away with swamps!
- Morticia Addams: And when you do away with swamps, where are the children going to play?
- Gomez Addams: [statement to the press] Not only do I accept the challenge of a television debate, but I refuse to sink to the level of this corrupt old windbag and engage in any name-calling.
- Gomez Addams: Oh, by the way, the mayor is coming over tomorrow morning to issue a formal challenge. He's bringing along some reporters to make sure I don't weasel out. Ha-ha-ha! Me weasel out. Ha-ha! Hey, it's not a bad idea.
- Morticia Addams: Oh, dear, sweet, kind Gomez - I've turned him into a Frankenstein!
- Uncle Fester: There is a resemblance.
- Uncle Fester: Gomez, I just have to see ya!
- Gomez Addams: Yeah, it has been hours, hasn't it? I'm really touched.
- Mayor Arthur J. Henson: A new political star has risen. Gentlemen, I give you his honor, Gomez Addams!