- [Gomez tries teaching Lurch to tango]
- Gomez Addams: What's wrong, Lurch?
- Lurch: You didn't shave.
- Gomez Addams: Señoritas never do.
- [the dance instructress faints at the sight of Puglsey's toad]
- Gomez: Pugsley, take your toad out of here. Things like this upset him.
- Lurch: I'm a wallflower.
- Gomez Addams: What?
- Lurch: I can't dance.
- Gomez Addams: Oh, it's so simple. You can learn in no time.
- [snapping his fingers in time]
- Gomez Addams: Come, and trip it as you go, On the light fantastic toe. Shakespeare!
- Morticia Addams: [snaps her fingers] Milton!
- Gomez Addams: By Jove, you're right.
- Morticia: Look at Mr. Addams. He's always developing outside interests.
- Gomez Addams: Right now I have the most enviable collection of coroner reports in the neighborhood.
- [Gomez spots Lurch, dragging in the dance instructress who fainted at the door at the sight of him]
- Gomez Addams: Great form, Lurch, but you're not keeping time to the music.
- Morticia Addams: Dear, I can't find Lurch.
- Gomez Addams: Ah, he did seem depressed by all that Butlers' Ball talk.
- Morticia Addams: You don't suppose he did anything drastic, do you?
- Gomez Addams: Of course not, otherwise your little vulture would be circling the area.
- Gomez Addams: Little Pugsley has the nose of a bloodhound. As a matter of fact, it's his best feature.
- Gomez Addams: Mrs. Addams won the Twist Award at the Funeral Directors' Ball. They awarded her The Silver Urn.
- Morticia Addams: Well, should we call for another instructress?
- Gomez Addams: Waste of smelling salts.
- Gomez Addams: We must not indulge fear. I remember my Cousin Blob, deathly afraid of ghosts.
- Morticia Addams: Ghosts?
- Gomez Addams: Now he's one himself.
- Morticia Addams: Ah yes... I hear him on dark, stormy nights.
- Gomez Addams: Oh darling, those strange sounds from the attic aren't Cousin Blob.
- Morticia Addams: No?
- Gomez Addams: They're Grandma Squint. You can tell from her superb cackle.
- Morticia Addams: Ah yes... like music to my ears.
- Wednesday Addams: [finding Lurch in hiding] Just because we want you to go to The Butlers' Ball?
- [Lurch groans]
- Wednesday Addams: It'll be fun.
- Lurch: I like being miserable.
- Wednesday Addams: You might find a nice girl to be miserable with.
- Gomez Addams: I promised them a large contribution to their pet charity.
- Morticia Addams: How nice of them to have charities for pets.