The Addams Family (TV Series)
Lurch's Little Helper (1966)
Ted Cassidy: Lurch
Photos
Quotes
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Lurch : Smiley wants my job. They like him best. Pile of tin junk! It's unfair.
[Thing offers Lurch a tissue which, as Lurch takes it, turns out to be a sheet]
Lurch : Thank you, Thing. I'm through, finished.
[Thing wags a "no you're not" finger at him]
Lurch : What can I do?
[Thing makes a fist, punches the air twice, slaps the air three times, punches the air twice more then collapses]
Lurch : [inspired] Eh. You're a real friend, Thing.
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Morticia Addams : [bowing to Gomez who has come bounding into the living room wielding a samurai sword] Gong ho, my lord and master.
Gomez Addams : [likewise bowing] Yasho, me shukiyaki.
Morticia Addams : Samurai time again, darling?
Gomez Addams : Yes, but it won't be much fun without Lurch. Then, he has to get his rest. I'll teach Smiley. Smiley!
Smiley : [enters] You - rang?
Gomez Addams : No, Smiley, I called. I'm going to make an ancient Japanese warrior out of you, Smiley. First thing I want you to do...
Lurch : [interrupting as he enters] Nooooooooooooo!
Lurch : [to Smiley] Follow me.
Morticia Addams : [after Lurch and Smiley exit] Isn't that sweet! I don't think Lurch is jealous of Smiley anymore. He probably wants to play with him.
Gomez Addams : Well, this house always has bred peace and harmony.
[loud commotion offstage; Lurch re-enters alone]
Gomez Addams : What was that noise all about?
Morticia Addams : And where is Smiley?
Lurch : [holds up large wrench] Resigned.
Lurch : [puts down wrench, picks up samurai sword, faces Gomez] Banzai!
Gomez Addams : [delighted] Banzai!
[Gomez leaps into action, yelling in Japanese]
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Morticia Addams : [Lurch is brushing the polar bear] Ah Lurch, when you finish there, I wish you'd milk Pugsley's octopus and shampoo Mama's alligator.
Lurch : Yes, Mrs. Addams.
Morticia Addams : Oh, and when you make up our bed, Mr. Addams' pillow is getting soft again. I think you'd better add a dash of cement.
