The Addams Family (TV Series)

Lurch's Little Helper (1966)

Carolyn Jones: Morticia Addams

Photos 

Quotes 

• Gomez Addams : [grabbing and kissing Morticia's arm]  Tish, that French! Speak some more. Au revoir. Avant-garde. Ooh la la.

  Morticia Addams : Darling, Lurch now; ooh la la later.

• Gomez Addams : I've been yanking on this bell for twenty minutes. Why doesn't Lurch answer?

  Uncle Fester : Want me to go up to his room and see if he's dead or somethin'?

  Morticia Addams : If he's resting we shouldn't want to disturb him, and if he's dead there's no point to it.

• Morticia Addams : I'm a little worried about Lurch, though, darling.

  Gomez Addams : [still recuperating from playing samurai with Lurch]  You think I overdid it this time, took too much out of him?

  Morticia Addams : No, but I do think we're overworking the poor dear.

  Gomez Addams : We just work him day and night. All the rest of the time's his own.

• Morticia Addams : Ah, dear Lurch. He's so pleased with his new helper.

  Gomez Addams : Always was a warm, friendly, sort.

• Gomez Addams : Nobody does a back-scratch like Lurch.

  Morticia Addams : It's those talons of his.

• Gomez Addams : [admiring Morticia's flower stems]  You were born with a green thumb.

  Morticia Addams : [looking at her thumb]  Really? Must have been very attractive.

• Wednesday Addams : [walking away from a card game]  I give up!

  Morticia Addams : Now-now, darling, you must learn to be a good loser.

  Wednesday Addams : I'm winning.

  Morticia Addams : Oh?

  Wednesday Addams : But it's no fun. Smiley can't cheat like Lurch.

• Morticia Addams : [bowing to Gomez who has come bounding into the living room wielding a samurai sword]  Gong ho, my lord and master.

  Gomez Addams : [likewise bowing]  Yasho, me shukiyaki.

  Morticia Addams : Samurai time again, darling?

  Gomez Addams : Yes, but it won't be much fun without Lurch. Then, he has to get his rest. I'll teach Smiley. Smiley!

  Smiley : [enters]  You - rang?

  Gomez Addams : No, Smiley, I called. I'm going to make an ancient Japanese warrior out of you, Smiley. First thing I want you to do...

  Lurch : [interrupting as he enters]  Nooooooooooooo!

  Lurch : [to Smiley]  Follow me.

  Morticia Addams : [after Lurch and Smiley exit]  Isn't that sweet! I don't think Lurch is jealous of Smiley anymore. He probably wants to play with him.

  Gomez Addams : Well, this house always has bred peace and harmony.

  [loud commotion offstage; Lurch re-enters alone] 

  Gomez Addams : What was that noise all about?

  Morticia Addams : And where is Smiley?

  Lurch : [holds up large wrench]  Resigned.

  Lurch : [puts down wrench, picks up samurai sword, faces Gomez]  Banzai!

  Gomez Addams : [delighted]  Banzai!

  [Gomez leaps into action, yelling in Japanese] 

• Morticia Addams : [Lurch is brushing the polar bear]  Ah Lurch, when you finish there, I wish you'd milk Pugsley's octopus and shampoo Mama's alligator.

  Lurch : Yes, Mrs. Addams.

  Morticia Addams : Oh, and when you make up our bed, Mr. Addams' pillow is getting soft again. I think you'd better add a dash of cement.

• Morticia Addams : I just peeked into the kitchen and saw Smiley washing the dishes for Lurch.

  Gomez Addams : Splendid. I hope his hands don't rust.