The Addams Family (TV Series)
Morticia Meets Royalty (1965)
Carolyn Jones: Morticia Addams, Lady Fingers
Photos
Quotes
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Uncle Fester : What are you composing, Gomez?
Gomez Addams : [at the harpsichord] A sonata for three hands.
Morticia Addams : Three hands?
Gomez Addams : It'll give Lurch a chance to play duets with Thing.
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Morticia Addams : Princess Millicent is, in reality, Gomez's Aunt Millie from Marshy Bottom, Iowa.
Uncle Fester : Oh. Then the coat of arms and the title is a fake, huh?
Gomez Addams : No, Aunt Millie picked that up years ago when she married a Prince von Schlepp.
Uncle Fester : Oh, sounds glamorous.
Morticia Addams : Not really. Von Schlepp was a prince but he was also a pauper.
Uncle Fester : Ah, the poor man.
Morticia Addams : That's usually what a pauper is.
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Princess Millicent : [surveying the Addams living room] It's not what I'm accustomed to, but I suppose it's better than a hotel.
Morticia Addams : You'll love your chamber. It has a beautiful view. On a clear day you can see all the way to the swamp.
Gomez Addams : But, of course, who wants a clear day?
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[Lurch and Fester ascend the stairs overburdened with Aunt Millie's luggage]
Gomez Addams : [to Morticia] I thought she said she was traveling light.
Morticia Addams : She is. Lurch and Uncle Fester are traveling heavy.
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Morticia Addams : [of Lady Fingers] She seems very lovely.
Princess Millicent von Schlepp : She comes from a fine family. Her father used to be my footman.
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[Thing and Lady Fingers are about to get acquainted when Millicent summons Lady Fingers away]
Morticia Addams : Oh, he missed his chance.
Gomez Addams : Don't worry. He'll have others. He's handy that way.
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Morticia Addams : How did you find your chamber?
Princess Millicent : The bed is as hard as nails.
Gomez Addams : Knew you'd like it!
Princess Millicent : And where on earth did you get those black drapes.
Morticia Addams : Oh, I really had to shop for them.
Princess Millicent : Ghastly.
[Millie exists]
Gomez Addams : When she brought Lady Fingers, I thought she was a true Addams. Obviously there's something wrong with her.
Morticia Addams : Well, the poor dear has suffered so, what with her husband dying.
Gomez Addams : Worse than that, he went broke.
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Morticia Addams : Darling, control yourself. Royalty now, bubele later.
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Grandmama Addams : That woman is drivin' me batty. The only thing she'll let me serve is Chicken ala King.
Gomez Addams : Well, that's the royalty business. Besides, Chicken ala King's rather tasty.
Grandmama Addams : Without the feathers?
Morticia Addams : Oh... Some people have the dullest tastes.
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[Lurch's bowing keeps ripping his pants]
Gomez Addams : Well, Lurch, maybe the princess will let your wear a suit of armor instead.
Morticia Addams : Those things wear like iron.
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[Millicent has left]
Morticia Addams : Ah, wonderful! The Addams family is a democracy again.
Gomez Addams : Exactly! From now on, I give the orders around here.
Morticia Addams : [warningly] Gomez!
Gomez Addams : [still as chipper] But nobody has to obey them.
Uncle Fester : [now that his career as a court jester is done] I'm sure glad I don't have to be funny, anymore.
Morticia Addams : We all are, dear.
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Morticia Addams : Lurch, come and bow for Princess Millicent.
Gomez Addams : [aside to Morticia] Is he gonna be able make it?
Morticia Addams : Oh, yes. Mama let out the seat of his trousers with a couple of accordion pleats.
Gomez Addams : Accordion pleats?
[Lurch bows and his movement is matched by accordion scales]
Gomez Addams : Musical pants!
Morticia Addams : You see how glad we are to have you back, Your Highness?
Princess Millicent : [stiffly] Naturally! Now that I'm rich again, you're all playing a different tune.
Gomez Addams : Especially Lurch.
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[Lady Finger's box returns but the gnarled old claw inside it is definitely not Lady Fingers]
Gomez Addams : She certainly has aged.
Morticia Addams : No, that couldn't be Lady Fingers.
Gomez Addams : Maybe that's what she looks like without make-up.
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Morticia Addams : Gomez, darling, you're wallet.
Gomez Addams : My wallet? It's gone! It's a good thing I carry my money in my sock.
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Princess Millicent : [discovering her new hand maiden to be a pickpocket] Esmeralda - a thief!
Morticia Addams : And an old hand at it, too.
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Gomez Addams : That music's pretty exciting, too.
Morticia Addams : Darling, I didn't play that.
Gomez Addams : That was Lurch, wasn't it?
Morticia Addams : He's really learned how to play those pants.