"The Addams Family" Morticia, the Breadwinner (TV Episode 1965) - Jackie Coogan as Uncle Fester

Morticia Addams : Uncle Fester, I do think we ought to have gotten the combination from Gomez.

Uncle Fester : Oh, it wasn't locked, I just like to keep in practice on my safe blowing.

Morticia Addams : You do have a delicate touch.
Morticia Addams : We must think of ways to make money.

Uncle Fester : I know an easy way.

Morticia Addams : Oh?

Uncle Fester : Print it.
[Fester's sign hangs upon the Addams mansion fence: "Escort Service. Suave continental types for hire. $50 per hour."]

1st Woman : Oh, look, Gladys. This must be one of those gigolo places.

2nd Woman : Fifty dollars an hour. Oooh, they must be absolutely dreamy.

Uncle Fester : [popping up from behind the sign with Lurch] See for yourselves, girls!

[the women scream and run]

Uncle Fester : What's a matter with them?

Lurch : Flighty.
Morticia Addams : That settles it. I'm going to sell everything we own. I must get money for Gomez.

Uncle Fester : You mean auction him off, huh?
Uncle Fester : I feel so good being my own boss, I think I'll take the rest of the day off.
Uncle Fester : Did you see the paper this morning? The bottom fell out of the stock market again.

Morticia Addams : They really ought to fix that rickety old place. The bottom's always falling out of it.
Uncle Fester : Morticia, what're we gonna do for money? I'm too proud to beg and too lazy to work.
Morticia Addams : What woman could possibly ask for more than Uncle Fester himself?

Uncle Fester : Oh, yeah. Well, you got me there.

Jackie Coogan: Uncle Fester