- Eleanor Digby: Oh darling, I have decided to let Mrs. Addams do our new house after all.
- [Mr. Digby walks straight to the telephone and starts dialing]
- Eleanor Digby: Who are you calling?
- Joe Digby: Either a divorce lawyer or a psychiatrist, whichever one can get here first.
- Uncle Fester: And the first one that blabs anything about this to Morticia is a rotten egg. No, better make that a spoil sport. I like rotten eggs.
- Morticia Addams: The poor darlings... they were even too proud to accept our lovely gift.
- [pets Delilah the stuffed vulture]
- Gomez Addams: That must really have broken their hearts.
- [snaps his fingers]
- Gomez Addams: Lets send it over to their home, we'll have Lurch deliver it.
- Uncle Fester: [Uncle Fester overhears as he walks up to them] Hey, wait a minute! Why don't you ask me?
- Gomez Addams: Excellent idea, Fester, you deliver it!
- Uncle Fester: No, I meant: ask me wether I happen to want it.
- Morticia Addams: Why of course you do.
- Uncle Fester: Hm-hm!
- [Fester extends his hand to grab Delilah, but Morticia stops him]
- Morticia Addams: But that's the only kind of gift that's worth giving: something that means something to you.
- Gomez Addams: Morticia, you have impeccable taste.
- Morticia Addams: Well, of course. I married you, didn't I?
- [door bell rings]
- Morticia Addams: Oh, that must be the Digbys.
- Gomez Addams: I'm almost afraid to let them see the house. It might discourage them.
- Morticia Addams: Darling, they're just going to have to be realistic. After all, when we first moved in here, this house was bleak and gloomy. Not everyone can start with that advantage.
- Morticia Addams: Now, dear, I have some wonderful ideas for your new house. And a most unusual color scheme.
- Eleanor Digby: Oh?
- Morticia Addams: We'll start with the carpet - black.
- Eleanor Digby: Black?
- Morticia Addams: Pitch.
- Eleanor Digby: Perhaps as a base. I suppose the curtains...
- Morticia Addams: Black.
- Eleanor Digby: What about the wallpaper?
- Morticia Addams: Black!
- Eleanor Digby: And the furniture coverings? Black?
- Morticia Addams: No!
- Eleanor Digby: [relieved] Ohh...
- Morticia Addams: Off-black. You must have some contrast, you know.
- Gomez Addams: [showing off his artworks] And speaking of originals, feast your eyes on this.
- Joe Digby: A Stradivarius?
- Gomez Addams: If it isn't, I'm out twelve and a half dollars.
- Morticia Addams: Gomez, darling, I've had a new inspiration for the Digby house.
- Gomez Addams: Ah, those lucky devils! What is it this time?
- Morticia Addams: I want to bring the garden right into the living room.
- Gomez Addams: Glass walls, eh?
- Morticia Addams: No, dirt floor.
- Morticia Addams: Does it strike you as odd that nobody has been inside my model home? They just glance in the door and walk on.
- Gomez Addams: Ah, the house is obviously too far ahead of its time. Frank Lloyd Wright had the same problem.