The Addams Family (TV Series)

Morticia, the Sculptress (1965)

Jackie Coogan: Uncle Fester

Photos 

Quotes 

• Uncle Fester : For a brilliant idea, that's pretty stupid!

• Gomez Addams : Fester, have you got the hammer and chisel?

  Uncle Fester : Here they are, but it's only a loan. I need them for my correspondence course.

  Gomez Addams : Correspondence course? At what?

  Uncle Fester : [as if obvious]  Brain surgery!

• Uncle Fester : [looking at Morticia's sculpture]  When're you gonna start?

  Morticia Addams : Gonna start? Uncle Fester, I'm almost finished.

  Gomez Addams : Fester, don't be a clod. Don't you know art when you see it?

  Uncle Fester : I know a rock when I see it.

• Uncle Fester : Why don't you buy it?

  Gomez Addams : For a stupid suggestion, Fester, that's positively brilliant.

• Gomez Addams : It's time I put an end to all this!

  Uncle Fester : You're going to tell Morticia the truth!

  Gomez Addams : Exactly. But first I'm gonna tell her a few more lies.

• [Morticia reveals plans to open a school to help starving art students with her $50,000] 

  Uncle Fester : What're you gonna do now, MoneyBags?

  Gomez Addams : What any level-headed man would do - shoot myself.

• Gomez Addams : I'm being forced to dispose of some of my most valuable assets: my game preserve in Nairobi, bamboo plantation in Bali, and - what hurts most of all - the Savings & Loan in Siberia. Oh, you better call Blooker the broker and have him dispose of my Consolidated Fuzz.

  Uncle Fester : Now, if you were smart you'd hold onto your Consolidated Fuzz and sell your AT&T.