The Addams Family (TV Series)

Morticia, the Sculptress (1965)

John Astin: Gomez Addams

Photos 

Quotes 

• Morticia Addams : Why don't you call Mama? She's always ready for an old fasioned Cha-cha-cha.

  Gomez Addams : With all these rocks around, there's not even room for a cha...

• Morticia Addams : Fun, fun, fun. There's more to life than just fun.

  Gomez Addams : There is?

• Gomez Addams : Fester, have you got the hammer and chisel?

  Uncle Fester : Here they are, but it's only a loan. I need them for my correspondence course.

  Gomez Addams : Correspondence course? At what?

  Uncle Fester : [as if obvious]  Brain surgery!

• Uncle Fester : [looking at Morticia's sculpture]  When're you gonna start?

  Morticia Addams : Gonna start? Uncle Fester, I'm almost finished.

  Gomez Addams : Fester, don't be a clod. Don't you know art when you see it?

  Uncle Fester : I know a rock when I see it.

• Morticia Addams : Well, darling, what do you think?

  Gomez Addams : Leonardo da Vinci never did anything like that.

• Uncle Fester : Why don't you buy it?

  Gomez Addams : For a stupid suggestion, Fester, that's positively brilliant.

• Gomez Addams : It's time I put an end to all this!

  Uncle Fester : You're going to tell Morticia the truth!

  Gomez Addams : Exactly. But first I'm gonna tell her a few more lies.

• Sam Picasso : Don't you understand I will not sell my soul?

  Gomez Addams : There'll be a $200 fee.

  Sam Picasso : At those prices... eh!

  Gomez Addams : I like a man with integrity. I wish I knew one.

• Sam Picasso : You keep all of your money in the drawer?

  Gomez Addams : Just petty cash. Big stuff's upstairs in the mattress.

  Morticia Addams : [entering]  Ah, Mr. Picasso. My husband's been telling me about you.

  Sam Picasso : Oh, that's a lie. I run an honest gallery.

• [Morticia reveals plans to open a school to help starving art students with her $50,000] 

  Uncle Fester : What're you gonna do now, MoneyBags?

  Gomez Addams : What any level-headed man would do - shoot myself.

• Gomez Addams : I'm being forced to dispose of some of my most valuable assets: my game preserve in Nairobi, bamboo plantation in Bali, and - what hurts most of all - the Savings & Loan in Siberia. Oh, you better call Blooker the broker and have him dispose of my Consolidated Fuzz.

  Uncle Fester : Now, if you were smart you'd hold onto your Consolidated Fuzz and sell your AT&T.

• Sam Picasso : [to Lurch carrying out Morticia's sculptures]  Throw them in the truck with the others.

  Gomez Addams : Where're you taking them?

  Sam Picasso : At the Tip-Top Quarry. You know, they pay me $30 a ton.

  Gomez Addams : The scoundrels! I buy my rocks at Tip-Top and they charge me $100 a ton.

  Sam Picasso : Aw, but I return the rocks damaged. Speaking of money, Senior Gomez, you know, I will be needing some if you want me to buy more of the masterpieces.

  Gomez Addams : [reaching way back into his nearly empty desk drawer]  Can't you bargain a little?

  Sam Picasso : You want me insult an artist?

  Gomez Addams : That's no artist! That's my wife!

  Sam Picasso : It's only money - yours!

• Gomez Addams : Look at yourself in the mirror. Pale, drawn, sunken-cheeked.

  Morticia Addams : Yes. Sculpting does agree with me.

• Morticia Addams : I still have four hours of night light left.

  Gomez Addams : But aren't you coming to bed?

  Morticia Addams : Oh, darling, how can I sleep knowing that somewhere there's a stone uncut?

  Gomez Addams : How about a husband un-cuddled?