The Addams Family (TV Series)

Mother Lurch Visits the Addams Family (1965)

Jackie Coogan: Uncle Fester

Quotes 

• [the family is brainstorming over how to deal with the impending visit from Lurch's mother] 

  Uncle Fester : I say let's mine the front porch. I can wire it so it'll blow up when she pushes the doorbell. That always discourages those magazine salesmen.

  Gomez Addams : Not bad, Fester, but why not just, uh, wire the doorbell with a few thousand volts. No need to damage the porch.

• Uncle Fester : But that's ridiculous, how can you get fired from your own home?

  Gomez Addams : That's an interesting question.

• [Morticia decides they should all play servants under Lurch during his mother's visit] 

  Morticia Addams : Now, Uncle Fester, you can be the gardener.

  Uncle Fester : Forget it.

  Morticia Addams : But, Uncle Fester, wouldn't you like to putter around in the back yard, maybe plant some crabgrass or stickweed?

  Uncle Fester : I like the backyard just the way it is - bare!