The Addams Family (TV Series)
Progress and the Addams Family (1965)
Carolyn Jones: Morticia Addams
Photos
Quotes
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Morticia Addams : [referring to Uncle Fester] I do hope he doesn't blow himself up.
Gomez Addams : I hope not, he's wearing my best socks. But, que sera, sera.
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Morticia Addams : Thing. Were's Thing?
Gomez Addams : Up in the mover's truck.
Morticia Addams : In the mover's truck?
Gomez Addams : In the glove compartment.
Morticia Addams : Ah... dear, sensible Thing.
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Morticia Addams : It seems the new freeway is coming right through our living room. Won't that crowd us a bit?
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Morticia Addams : Gomez, did you hear an explosion a moment ago?
Gomez Addams : Oh, that. Probably Uncle Fester down in the basement testing for gas leaks with a lighted match.
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Gomez Addams : Well, you can't win 'em all. They're blasting tomorrow whether we're in the house or not.
Morticia Addams : Oh, dear. And we're such late sleepers.
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[Fester suggests they move their house]
Gomez Addams : I know just the spot. That lot Hornsby has up for sale.
Morticia Addams : That's right next door to the Commissioner's house.
Gomez Addams : My dear, at a time like this we can't afford to be choosy.
Uncle Fester : Oh, it's... it's not that, but... That lot doesn't have any caves, and then no quicksand, no swamp...
Gomez Addams : Fester... What's a swamp? A bunch of mud, slime and stench. We'll build our own!
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Morticia Addams : Tea?
[the Henson's politely but unsteadily nod to the affirmative]
Morticia Addams : Salt, pepper or cyanide?
Mr. Henson : Neither.
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Mr. Henson : Uh, well, Addams, I-I must say you're taking this eviction like a good sport.
Gomez Addams : Well, nobody can say that an Addams stood in the way of progress, although I must admit Uncle Fester is a bit upset.
Morticia Addams : Yes, you see, there are no caves or swamps on our new property.
Gomez Addams : But we do have plans for building our own - that is, if our neighbors don't object.
Mr. Henson : Well, any man who would object to having a swamp right next to his home is a petty individual, indeed.
Gomez Addams : Glad to hear you say that, Commissioner. We love animals and we're planning a mud wallow for our hippopotamus.
Phoebe Henson : Arthur and I just adore animals, too.
Gomez Addams : [warmly and vigorously shakes Henson's hand] Neighbor!
Mr. Henson : No, no... d'I... I mean, you're not gonna move in next to... to... t...
Phoebe Henson : To us?
Gomez Addams : Right smack!
[the Henson's, with apparently nothing to lose, hurriedly guzzle down their cups of silverware-dissolving wolfsbane tea]
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[the Addams family prepares to ride along with the mansion on its move to a new location]
Morticia Addams : Where are the children, dear?
Gomez Addams : Oh, they're fine. They're riding on the roof.
Morticia Addams : I do hope they don't get car sick. Is Lurch with them?
Gomez Addams : Oh, no. He likes to ride with his head out the window and growl at the passing cars.
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Uncle Fester : That ex-insurance man of ours...
Gomez Addams : Commissioner Henson?
Uncle Fester : Yeah. Well, he's ruining our city. He's puttin' fresh paint on all the public buildings.
Morticia Addams : Whatever for?
Uncle Fester : To hide the soot.
Morticia Addams : Cover up... But the soot's the only thing that's giving those buildings character.
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[a letter arrives]
Morticia Addams : Oh, it's from the city hall. I wonder what they're doing writing to us.
Gomez Addams : Well, this is the time they select the Man of the Year. I suppose I'll have to resign myself to another giddy round of speech-making and chicken ala king.
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Gomez Addams : [finishing his letter] P.S. I always knew you were a corrupt, hypocritical old windbag.
Morticia Addams : I do hope he doesn't take that last part personally.
Gomez Addams : How could he?
Lurch : [announcing from the vestibule] His honor, the Commissioner.
Morticia Addams : I'm sure he's come to offer his apologies.
Gomez Addams : I guess the hypocritical old windbag isn't such a bad fellow after all.