[introduction]
Alfred Hitchcock: [Hitchcock is wearing a bowler hat and a gaudy cravat while holding a vintage riding crop with both hands as he leans against a coin-operated mechanical horse; he speaks in an affected pompous accent throughout] Good evening. I firmly believe that everyone should indulge now and then in some form of athletic sport, don't you? Personally, I don't require much exercise, since I lead a very Spartan existence. But when I do, I find my needs are adequately filled by such sports as riding or reading the less violent portions of the Sunday papers. Of course, for a true test of bodily coordination, I think there's nothing better than lying in a hammock, but I suppose that would only appeal to those of you who enjoy living dangerously. As for tonight's play, it is called, "My Brother, Richard" and it begins in a country club. By the way, golf is one game I've never cared much for. I don't like the paperwork. I find adding up my strokes too fatiguing.