All in the Family (TV Series)

Archie Eats and Runs (1974)

Rob Reiner: Michael 'Meathead' Stivic

Photos 

Quotes 

• Mike Stivic : You can't go to the hospital, you're sick.

• Mike Stivic : Arch, you still need evidence.

  Archie Bunker : What are you talking about? Look at all they put me through: look at the way I hurt all over. What about the sworn "testaphony" of your mother in-law, there? That's evidence, Buddy, we got a case and let me tell you something, a case like that could be worth 20, 25, 50 grand. I'm gonna make them mushroom people put their mouth where their money is.

• Archie Bunker : Do you know how many brands of mushrooms are sold all over this here country?

  Edith Bunker : Oh, thousands.

  Archie Bunker : Alright, and how many cans do you think are bought?

  Edith Bunker : Millions.

  Archie Bunker : So what do you think the chances are of me getting the one bad can out of all them millions of cans? What is it? 100 to one.

  Mike Stivic : What is that? The new math?

• Archie Bunker : The bosses of that company ought to taste every mouthful of food before it leaves the factory.

  Mike Stivic : How are they going to do that?

  Archie Bunker : What do you mean how? Ain't you never heard of the olden days in the days of kings? The king used to have a special cook to taste the food. The cook dropped down dead, the king said, "See?" Then the king went back in the kitchen and made a sandwich for himself.

• Mike Stivic : [Dialing the phone]  What else? You only gave me six numbers.

  Gloria Stivic : No, I gave you seven numbers.

  Mike Stivic : One of those numbers was a sneeze. Do you see a sneeze on this dial?

• Archie Bunker : Just like that Ralph Nader, you're giving the whole country a pain in the butt.

  Mike Stivic : Arch, you ought to be grateful for Ralph Nader. Do you realize that before 1968 there were hardly any cars recalled for being defective? But in 1972 there were nearly eight million cars recalled?

  Archie Bunker : And do you realize that in 1974: who cares?

• Mike Stivic : Now take it easy, don't panic.

  Archie Bunker : Will you stay out of this? Now take it easy, don't panic.

• Mike Stivic : I think we should check the cans and see what brand they were.

  Archie Bunker : Why don't you stay out of this? Edith, we gotta check the cans and see what brand they were.