All in the Family (TV Series)

Archie Gives Blood (1971)

Rob Reiner: Michael 'Meathead' Stivic

Photos 

Quotes 

• Archie : They put a woman's heart in a man's body.

  Mike Stivic : So?

  Archie : So, it's hard enough for a man and woman to live together in the same house, never mind the same body.

• Archie Bunker : [Seeing a Chinese man at the blood bank]  They're a yellow race.

  Mike Stivic : And so naturally they've got yellow blood? Look there's an Irish man with green blood. Hey look over there, there's Governor Rockefeller.

  Archie Bunker : Where?

  Mike Stivic : There, the guy with the blue blood.

• Archie Bunker : Some of those doctors are beginning to look at us as if we was all a collection of spare parts.

  Gloria Stivic : C'mon, Daddy, don't get paranoid about it. Medicine is still dedicated to keeping us alive.

  Archie Bunker : All right, but not against His will.

  [Points skyward] 

  Mike Stivic : What does 'His will' got to do with it?

  Archie Bunker : I ain't talkin' to you, you're an atheist!

  Mike Stivic : Oh, wait a second. We're talkin' about modern medicine here. We're talkin' about doctors keeping us alive. Now how did He get into it?

  Archie Bunker : He was never out of it, buddy boy. Life and death is His business. And you gotta go when He calls.

  Gloria Stivic : Unless modern medicine saves you.

  Archie Bunker : It can't.

  Mike Stivic : Whaddaya mean it can't? It happens all the time.

  Archie Bunker : That's when He wasn't really calling. But when He really calls, you gotta go. And He don't want no quack doctors down here putting other hearts in you to keep you here against His will. Throws His schedule all off. You throw His schedule off and you're gonna have to answer for it when you get up there.

  Mike Stivic : Where?

  Archie Bunker : Heaven, wise guy! You knew damn well what I was talkin' about - Heaven! When you get up there He's gonna want to know from you, why you didn't come when you was called. Why you was late.

  Mike Stivic : You really believe that?

  Archie Bunker : I certainly do!

• Archie Bunker : Well, if all blood's the same, let me ask you this: how come they ain't got no Swedes in the mafia?

  Mike Stivic : What does that got to do with anything?

  Archie Bunker : Because your Italians got a lock on it, that's why! It's in their blood. Same way it's in your blacks' blood to do the "scooby-dooby-doo."

• Archie Bunker : [Playing Monopoly]  Y'know out in the real world you don't go to your competition for no advice.

  Mike Stivic : It's not out in the real world; it's only a game.

  Archie Bunker : So is life a game, buddy boy. Whether you play the game in here or play it out there, ya gotta play it to win, right?

  Edith : Where did we hear that, Archie? Was it on "Mannix" or "The Bold Ones"?

• Archie Bunker : I ain't givin' none of my blood unless I know who's gonna be on the receiving end of it.

  Mike Stivic : What's the difference.

  Archie Bunker : The difference is: some radical blows up a building, right? He gets shot. He needs a transfusion. Well, he ain't gonna get none of Archie Bunker's blood!