- Michael 'Meathead' Stivic: If I were you, I couldn't live with myself!
- Archie Bunker: You AIN'T livin' with yerself, yer livin' with ME!
- Archie Bunker: Listen, Vicino, you gotta talk to these people! You know their language, you know their hand gestures...
- Tony Vicino: There's only one hand gesture I know for the trouble you're in!
- Archie Bunker: What's that?
- [Vicino makes the sign of the cross]
- Ralph Silvestri: Mr. Bunker, I'm Ralph Silvestri.
- Archie Bunker: We already got one!
- [Indicating the police detective]