All in the Family (TV Series)

Archie the Babysitter (1976)

Carroll O'Connor: Archie Bunker

Photos 

Quotes 

• Archie : Three Men in a Tub, they had a water shortage in them days. So everything in Fairyland was in threes, you know, except the dwarfs. There was seven of them 'cause they was little and the wolf was after them so the wolf came running after them and boy he had one hell of a breath. He blew down their house and they had to find another joint so they run through the woods and they run into Goldilocks and she took them all in to live with her and there's nothin' wrong with that because she was a nice girl and they're old anyway. So they got another house but the wolf came along and blew that one down too so then they run through the woods again and they come to a brick house and that belonged to Disney so they all moved in there and started working for him.

• Archie : [singing]  London Bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down. London Bridge is falling down, the Limeys built it wrong.

• Sharyn Talbot : Mr. Bunker, maybe you'd feel better if you sat for your grandson.

  Archie : I would but I have a poker game going on.

  Sharyn Talbot : Well what's more important: a poker game or your grandson?

  Archie : Don't be fresh.

• Gloria : You just don't want to be alone with the baby 'cause you're afraid you might have to change him.

  Archie : You think I never changed you, little girl?

  Gloria : If I had waited for you to do that, I would've worn the same diaper til I was two. Ma told me that.

  Archie : Don't believe your mother, you believe me. Many is the time I changed you, little girl, and it wasn't always wee-wee. Sometimes it was this here.

  [Holds up two fingers] 

  Gloria : Well I never promised you a rose garden.

• Archie Bunker : What's this here?

  Sharyn Talbot : Baby oil.

  Archie Bunker : And how many table spoons are you supposed to give it?

  Sharyn Talbot : You rub it on, you don't feed it to them.

• Archie : [on the phone]  No, no, I ain't got nothing against them people. I'm calling you from a home that used to be colored.

• Archie : [singing to baby Joey]  Lullaby and goodnight, and with roses bedight. Whatever that means.

• Archie Bunker : [to Baby Joey]  When you're older, I'll be telling you fairy stories. No, not about them people.

• Archie Bunker : He's a strong kid there, this morning he bit right through a nipple. Luckily it was on a bottle or he could've hurt someone in the family.

• Archie Bunker : I never left Gloria alone when she was a baby. Wherever I went, I made sure Edith was with her.

• Archie Bunker : Don't let him turn over on his face or he'll wind up with a cauliflower nose.

• Archie : I don't want you reading these books here. Anthropology?

  Sharyn Talbot : Yes, the study of man.

  Archie : Well I don't want you studying THIS man.