- Clarence V. Marshall: Now, according to our witnesses...
- Solomon Rabinowitz: Witnesses? You said nothing to me about witnesses, Mr. Bunker.
- Archie Bunker: Oh, the kids, the kids, y'know.
- Solomon Rabinowitz: Oh, yes, the little children in the playground. Hardly admissible.
- Clarence V. Marshall: Yes, but I'm referring to a station wagon filled with nuns.
- Archie Bunker: [on the lawyer he hired] So what does their religion got to do with it?
- Mike Stivic: That's what we wanna know.
- Archie Bunker: Now look here, Mr. Liberal, you brought up their religion, not me. If they're good lawyers, for all I care they could be Chinks.
- Gloria Bunker-Stivic: Oh, not that again, Daddy! Remember, even Jesus was a Jew.
- Archie Bunker: Yeah, but only on his mother's side.
- Archie Bunker: It's irrelative.
- Mike Stivic: [Correcting him] "Irrelevant."
- Archie Bunker: Whatever, it ain't German to the conversation.
- Mike Stivic: [Reading names of law firms out of the Yellow Pages] Rabinowitz, Rabinowitz, Rabinowitz...
- Archie Bunker: Rabinowitz... Rabinowitz... What was that third name?
- Mike Stivic: Rabinowitz!
- Archie Bunker: Rabinowitz, Rabinowitz, Rabinowitz - how do they sound to you?
- Mike Stivic: Jewish.
- Archie Bunker: [after remarking on Mr. Rabinowitz's eloquence] Youse people really go in for learning, don't youse?
- Solomon Rabinowitz: [Masking his dismay] We often say, Mr. Bunker, that the Tree of Learning bears the noblest fruit.
- Archie Bunker: The Tree of Learning... Hear that, Edith?
- Edith Bunker: I read that in a fortune cookie once!