All in the Family (TV Series)

Everybody Tells the Truth (1973)

Carroll O'Connor: Archie Bunker

Photos 

Quotes 

• Edith Bunker : This is a nice restaurant, and it's called the Gay Paris.

  Gloria Stivic : That's Gay Paree, Ma.

  Archie Bunker : Gay, gay, what'd you do? Bring us into a fag hangout?

• Archie Bunker : [Michael version]  Get away from Gloria, you're hurtin' her!

  Michael 'Meathead' Stivic : I just had my arm around her.

  Archie Bunker : You're all over her all the time. If the cops ever want your fingerprints, all they need to do is process her!

• Archie Bunker : [Michael version]  Where's the supper on the table?

  Edith Bunker : But Archie...

  Archie Bunker : Supper on the table!

  Edith Bunker : But Archie...

  Archie Bunker : [pounding the table]  Supper on the table!

• Archie Bunker : [Archie version]  Edith, dear. Oh Edith, dear.

  Edith Bunker : Yeah, what is it?

  Archie Bunker : May I know what we're havin' for supper tonight?

  Edith Bunker : Nothin'!

• Michael 'Meathead' Stivic : I never saw a guy with a knife.

  Archie Bunker : If you never saw no guy with a knife, then the part of your brain that works your eyes is burnt out. I'm tellin' you that guy had a knife.

• Archie Bunker : [Archie version]  Ah, kissing again, huh? That's nice. I believe young people should kiss every chance they get.

• Archie Bunker : [after Gloria tells her version, entirely edited out of syndicated showings, in which she accuses Archie of "treating Ma like a dog"]  That's a lie, I never told your mother to "stay". Edith, did I ever tell you to stay?

  Edith Bunker : No, Archie, you didn't.

  Archie Bunker : See!

  Edith Bunker : You told me to sit.

• Archie Bunker : [Michael version]  The refrigerator's on the blink again? It ain't got no right to be on the blink again, it's only 15 years old. If it's on the blink again, it's your fault. You're openin' and closin' it all the time to feed your face, you dumb meathead and unemployed oversexed pinko professional Polack you!

  Michael 'Meathead' Stivic : Those are not very kind things to say, but I'll try to do better.

  Gloria Stivic : I'll try to do better too, Daddy.

  [Archie gives them the raspberry] 

• Gloria Stivic : [Archie version]  Michael's right, Daddy. He's right. He's always right. Did you hear me? He's always right!

  Archie Bunker : Well of course he is, he's a college boy.

• Archie Bunker : [Archie version]  Havin' a little snack for yourself, huh?

  Jack : Yeah, havin' a little snack. And you don't mind if I have a little snack there, do ya Bunker?

  [pulls out a switchblade and points it at Archie's throat] 

• Bob : [Michael version]  Give me a hand here, will ya, Jack?

  Jack : Oh yeah, excuse me, sir.

  Archie Bunker : Look out what you're doin' there with the fruit. Your apple's all over my shirt.

  Jack : Oh I'se sorry sir.

  [wipes Archie's shirt with his hand] 

  Archie Bunker : You ain't supposed to touch a white person's clothes with a white person in them!

• Bob : [Archie version]  You know somethin'? You irritate me.

  Archie Bunker : Well, maybe we can sit down and discuss it and I'll learn how to improve myself.

• Archie Bunker : [Archie version]  The refrigerator's broken? Ain't that a shame. Ah well, heaven knows we had our money's worth outta that old box.

  Michael 'Meathead' Stivic : Hey! Hey! What kind of a dirty crack is that?

• Archie Bunker : [to Michael]  You don't believe nothin' I say. You don't believe nothin' unless you read it in one of those pinko left-wing magazines.

  Edith Bunker : I wonder why they call them left-wing?

  Archie Bunker : Politics, Edith, politics. That's all. Conservatives are called right-wing because they're right. Pinkos are called left-wing because they're... wrong.

• Archie Bunker : [Michael version]  What are you doin' eatin' an apple on workin' time?

  Jack : Oh, Mr. Bunker, we ain't had a meal break all day. Please please let me eat.

• Archie Bunker : [Archie version]  Oh look, it's just a little apple on my shirt, which is always nice.

• Jack : [Edith version]  You want a piece of my apple, Mr. Bunker?

  Archie Bunker : No, I hate apple pieces, and don't be waving that shiv around there will ya, that's dangerous.

  Jack : What? This little thing?

  [holds up a penknife] 

  Archie Bunker : That's right, that little thing. In ancient Rome, they killed Sid Caesar with a bunch of them.