- Archie Bunker: Look at the way it's got you here. You're starting to cry, there. Now don't do that, Edith. You know I can't take that... I ain't gonna take it! I'm gonna get on the blower here and call that Reverend Fletcher!
- Edith Bunker: Felcher.
- Archie Bunker: Whatever! And I'm gonna tell him that night just fell on one of his Sunshine Girls!
- Lionel Jefferson: I'm going to study electrical engineering. Mr. Bunker likes it better when I say "Lectical engineer".
- Archie Bunker: What's that I heard, Lionel?
- Lionel Jefferson: Oh I'se just sayin' I'se gonna be a lectical engineer.
- Archie Bunker: That's good, Lionel, I love to hear that.
- Michael 'Meathead' Stivic: Wait a second, Lionel, does he know that you're putting him on?
- Lionel Jefferson: Nah, except when I talk naturally. Watch this... Ah, Mr. Bunker, do you have any further requirements of me?
- Archie Bunker: I didn't catch that, Lionel.
- Lionel Jefferson: Uh, is you got mo fixin' fo me to do, Mizza Bunker?
- Archie Bunker: If I don't let that Reverend marry them, I son't be able to look him in the face again. I won't be able to go into his church no more.
- Edith Bunker: But you ain't been to church in 20 years.
- Uncle Casimir: Of course I'm back - I'm here for the wedding! Didn't you expect me?
- Archie Bunker: No, I didn't!
- Uncle Casimir: You don't know much about Polish people, do you?
- Archie Bunker: No, up until now I been lucky.
- Michael 'Meathead' Stivic: I don't want a priest or a minister. I'm an agnostic.
- Edith Bunker: You mean you want a Rabbi?
- Archie Bunker: I think it's worse than that, Edith. I think it means he can't have kids.