- Louise Jefferson: George, I thought you said you like Jenny?
- George Jefferson: That's before I met him!
- Lionel Jefferson: Wait now you don't even know him...
- George Jefferson: I don't wanna know him! I don't want no white in-laws in my family.
- Lionel Jefferson: They're gonna be my in-laws, not yours!
- George Jefferson: But think son, think! What about the children, what're they gonna be?
- Lionel Jefferson: Well, boys and girls I hope!
- George Jefferson: Listen to 'em Louise! That's what happens when you mix black and white, ten more seconds he's gonna call her nigger.
- Archie Bunker: Listen to that, I ain't used that word in three years!
- Edith Bunker: [as Mike and Gloria put away their coats] Ohhhh, you came home at just the right time.
- Michael 'Meathead' Stivic: You mean dinner's ready?
- Edith Bunker: I knew Archie a whole year before I even found out that he was ticklish.
- Louise Jefferson: How did you find out?
- Edith Bunker: It was an accident. We was on the beach and I was smearing suntan oil on Archie's back and my hand slipped and slid along his ribs. You should have seen him, he jumped 3 feet. There's one other place that Archie's ticklish, but I didn't find that out till after we was married.
- [notices Louise's shocked expression]
- Edith Bunker: The soles of his feet.
- George Jefferson: You just go over there and you politely say, "Mr. Bunker, I'm very sorry, but I have to take back my invitation because my husband, George, says he doesn't want you at the party. He's very sorry. He hopes you understand, you honky you." That's all.
- Louise Jefferson: [to George] My mind is made up, and don't you dare say no, or you'll be eating your dinner through a straw.
- Michael 'Meathead' Stivic: [Michael and Glorida show up at Lionel's party] Hi, did we miss anything?
- Lionel Jefferson: Just the beginning of World War III.