All in the Family (TV Series)
The Taxi Caper (1973)
Carroll O'Connor: Archie Bunker
Photos
Quotes
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Michael 'Meathead' Stivic : Why do you always have to talk stupid?
Archie Bunker : To make you understand!
Michael 'Meathead' Stivic : Funny.
Archie Bunker : Let me ask you this, how come you're never on my side even when a guy holds me up?
Edith Bunker : Archie, if they catch that boy, will you have to take off work and go to court for his trial?
Archie Bunker : Certainly I will, sure I will. I'll lose a day's pay but it's worth it to see that piece of filth thrown into the jug!
Michael 'Meathead' Stivic : Hey, hey, wait a second Arch. You're talking about a human being.
Archie Bunker : I'm talking about a creep!
Michael 'Meathead' Stivic : All right, I agree, he should be punished for what he did. But you don't go around calling people pieces of filth.
Archie Bunker : How about "piece of creep"?
Michael 'Meathead' Stivic : There you go talking stupid again.
Archie Bunker : There you go understanding me again!
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Sgt. Blair : [Archie is in a police station to report that he'd been robbed while driving his taxi] I'm just taking your statement down here. Sgt. Roselli's gonna want to talk to you about it later.
Archie Bunker : Aw, Roselli, huh? Jeez, whatever happened to all the Irish cops on the force? Let me tell ya, them are the guys who knew how to handle crime on the streets. They was always out there bustin' heads.
Sgt. Blair : You like those old stereotypes, huh?
Archie Bunker : Best types of all! They didn't waste no time bringing the "crinimals" into court to be let go. They'd grab a guy, they'd tell him, "hey, you don't do that no more!" Then they'd crack him on the skull so he wouldn't forget!
Sgt. Blair : [Sarcastically] Nowadays our methods aren't quite so sophisticated.
Archie Bunker : That's what I'm saying! A crack on the head is worth a thousand words!
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Archie Bunker : I've just decided, uh, not to press the charges.
[Hangs up the phone; Edith, Mike and Gloria instantly protest]
Archie Bunker : Shush, shush, shush in front of the phone!
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Archie Bunker : Punk stick-up guys, they never kill a guy that knows how to handle himself.
Michael 'Meathead' Stivic : How do you handle yourself?
Archie Bunker : Give him the money before he kills you.
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Archie Bunker : Ah, you must be another detective.
Mr. Morrison : No, no, I'm a lawyer.
Archie Bunker : Hold it, I don't need no lawyer, I already been robbed.
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Mr. Morrison : Mr. Bunker, could we talk privately? I've got a proposition that could prove very beneficial to you.
Archie Bunker : What's beneficial?
Mr. Morrison : Money.
Archie Bunker : I'll get my coat.
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Michael 'Meathead' Stivic : I knew it! I knew it! Tom Ferrell paid you to keep quiet.
Archie Bunker : What's the matter with that? Ain't you never heard, silence is gold?