- Jeff Pruitt: No, for marryin', a fella wants a... a female type, you know? Kinda soft and squishy-like. I figure the right place to find one of 'em's right here in town.
- Andy Taylor: Oh. Well, they ought to be a few answerin' that description around here.
- Jeff Pruitt: Sure! Only need *one*! I figure I'll stick around town a couple days and look over the available stock and pick one and take her back to the farm.
- Andy Taylor: You can't pick out a wife in just two days!
- Jeff Pruitt: Why not?
- Andy Taylor: Well, how you know you goin' find one who wants to marry you that quick?
- Jeff Pruitt: Well, I'm good-lookin', ain't I?
- Andy Taylor: Well, yeah.
- Jeff Pruitt: I'm strong enough to protect a woman, ain't I?
- Andy Taylor: Well, sure.
- Jeff Pruitt: Got one of the best farms in the county, ain't I?
- Andy Taylor: Well, yeah.
- Jeff Pruitt: Well, then, shouldn't take more'n two days!
- Opie Taylor: [about Jeff Pruitt] Guess what I saw him doin'?
- Andy Taylor: What?
- Opie Taylor: Standin' on the corner, pickin' up girls.
- Andy Taylor: What do you know about pickin' up girls?
- Opie Taylor: Gosh, Pa! What's there to know? Whenever a girl walks by, he just picks her up and then sets her down and says, "'Scuse me, ma'am. Just checkin' your weight."
- Andy Taylor: He's like a fella in a fancy restaurant. He wants to order somethin' but there's too much on the menu.
- Barney Fife: I'm disappointed in you, Andy! I am *really* disappoint... I have... I can't remember when I have been *this* disappointed in you!
- Andy Taylor: What are you disappointed in me for?
- Barney Fife: Well, why didn't you stop me?
- Andy Taylor: I couldn't stop ya!
- Barney Fife: That's right! That's right! Pass the buck!
- Andy Taylor: Barney, I'm not passin' the buck. I'm just remindin' you of the facts and the facts are: Jeff come to town, said he's lookin' for a bride, you said you'd help him and the way you helped, you took him over to Thelma Lou's and that's how it all happened!
- Barney Fife: Oh, why hash over ancient history?