- [as he enters a shop against the owners wishes]
- John Steed: I suffer under the disability of a public-school education.
- [Steed asks Dr. Keel to take two unconscious men back to his office]
- Dr. David Keel: Anyway, we'd better get these boys home before anyone else passes out. It's a relatively small surgery!
- John Steed: Doctor?
- Dr. David Keel: Yeah?
- John Steed: We take him to your surgery.
- Dr. David Keel: What for?
- John Steed: It's quieter there.
- Dr. David Keel: Yea, I'd like to keep it that way.
- John Steed: That's precisely my point. He's a private patient, that's why I brought you along,give the police surgeon the night off, follow me?
- John Steed: But you know that those places have a membership of some of the most viscous thugs in London, so Keels rush in where Steeds and angels fear to thread.
- Moxon: It's like this, Deacon: I'm out on ticket, see. One lumperin' on me present form and I'll be eating porridge till it's coming out of me flippin' ear-holes.
- Moxon: Anyway, you leave it to me, I know this business.
- Nature Boy: You know it all, don't ya? But I tell ya, the Deacon don't like the...
- Moxon: [grabs him by the shirt] A bag in it, will ya!
- Nature Boy: Look, leave the shirt alone, will ya?
- Dr. David Keel: Last night I treated a boy called De Willoughby he ran into four large feet.
- Sir Thomas Weller: Pity now, What's that got to do with me?
- Dr. David Keel: Quite a lot, You hired them, didn't you?
- Deacon: As you say, we shall have to make an example of Sir Thomas. Pick him up and do a good job on him. Drop him off in the middle of a nice, quiet, piece of scenery and kick him to a pulp. There's no money in it, boys, but when you're doing your income tax you can put it down to business expenses, advertise it.
- Nature Boy: Oh, let me do it, I've got some new boots I want to try out.
- Mrs. Briggs: How was it, ducky?
- Dr. David Keel: Oh Doris, you were wonderful, I don't know how you do it. Never was ten quit better earned.
- [Steed laughs]
- Mrs. Briggs: Oh, Guinness, lovey, let's keep it professional.
- John Steed: [Steed fumes to Dr. Keel] So, Keels rush in where Steeds and angels fear to tread!
- Dr. David Keel: [Dr. Keel responds sheepishly] Well, I suppose it was a bit melodramatic.