Batman: The Animated Series (TV Series)
Make 'Em Laugh (1994)
Mark Hamill: The Joker
Photos
Quotes
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Batman : You've hit a new low, Joker. Only you would ruin three lives for a silly piece of tin.
The Joker : You're dumber than you look, Bats. It's not the trophy that matters, it's the title! I am the greatest clown this dismal burg has ever seen! Where would the good folk of Gotham be without my pranks and antics?
Batman : Let's find out!
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Host : Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the 10th annual Gotham Laff-Off!
[cheers and applause]
Host : And now, it is my deepest honor to present to you the evening's first and only contestant... Smilin' Shecky Rimshot!
Jack Napier : Hey, folks, you're beautiful! Funny thing happened to me on the way to the theater last year. It seems three no-talent hacks tried to stop me from winning. But guess what!
[removing his hat and makeup]
The Joker : I'm baa-aaaack!
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Lisa Lorraine : [answering her door] Yeah?
The Joker : Pizza delivery.
Lisa Lorraine : I didn't order any pizza. But I'll take it. How much?
The Joker : It's on me.
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The Joker : Aww, too bad, Batsap! You should've remembered the old saying: "Dying is easy. Comedy is hard."
[with the trophy, he tries to knock Batman's hands off the balloon]
Robin : [swinging in] Mind if I join the party?
The Joker : [as Robin kicks him, he tumbles backward, the trophy getting stuck on his head] Ow! You miserable brat!
[trying to get it off]
The Joker : Aah! Get this stupid thing off me.
[struggling, he falls off the balloon; as Batman catches him with his grappling gun, it pulls his pants down]
The Joker : Whoop! Watch it! Oo-ooh, I think I'm getting airsick.
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Batman : It's just you and us, Joker.
The Joker : Not quite, Batman. I've got a new girl, and she'll really sweep you off your feet.
Robin : [appearing from a trap door in the floor, she knocks them backward with a broom] Lisa Lorraine?
Mighty Mom : Call me... Mighty Mom!
The Joker : Ain't she sweet? My very own happy homemaker.
Mighty Mom : But I don't do windows!
The Joker : [cackling] Not bad. Honey, why don't you show our pals how you clean house? In other words...
[giving her laughing gas grenades]
The Joker : ...mop 'em up.
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Host : I tell ya, Morey, I'm dyin' here. I got a full house, and all three of my celebrity judges are either missing or in jail. Ya gotta find me some replacements, quick!
The Joker : [ending the call] Ask, and ye shall receive.
Host : What in the...
The Joker : Permit me to introduce judges Knuckles, Finney, and Kowalski. They'll be presenting me with a trophy tonight.
Host : Hey, listen, you can't just walk in here and take...
The Joker : Oh, but I already have.
[as his thugs grab the host, he puts a mind-control patch on his neck]
The Joker : These little microchips are a wonder. Remind me to thank the Mad Hatter. If he ever wakes up.
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Jack Napier : [as "Smilin' Shecky Rimshot"] Good evening, ladies and germs. Hey, did you hear about the guy, walked into a doctor's office with a frog on his head? Doctor says "That's the weirdest-looking wart I've ever seen." Frog looks up and says "Yeah! I woke up this morning, there was a big bump on my butt!"
[audience laughter]
Jack Napier : Hey, then there's this guy who buys a new dog. He takes it for a walk, and the friend says...
[buzzer]
Jack Napier : Huh?
Lisa Lorraine : Sorry, pal. We've already made our decision. And for your information, registration closed days ago.
Jack Napier : I'm not leaving until I get that trophy.
Host : [Shecky is comedically yanked off stage with a cane] Oh, yes, you are!