- Robin: [Alfred knocks out a thug with an antique chair, breaking it] And here I thought all you dusted was furniture.
- Alfred Pennyworth: A Louis Quinze. What a pity.
- Frederick: I don't suppose you'd consider coming out of retirement?
- Alfred Pennyworth: And taking up civil service pay grades again? Hardly, old man. I've become accustomed to my style of living.
- Frederick: It's a great pity. It was just like old times.
- Alfred Pennyworth: Give my best to Whitehall.
- Alfred Pennyworth: I've fixed your supper. It's upstairs in the oven.
- Dick Grayson: What would we do without you, Alfred?
- Alfred Pennyworth: I shudder to think.
- Alfred Pennyworth: [after being drugged with a truth serum] You'll get nothing but gibberish out of me, madam. I come from haunts of cootenfern and knicker sudden Sally. Uh... dee-dum dee-dum dee-dum dee-dum, and bicker down the valley.
- Red Claw: [shakes her head] And people wonder why no one takes Britain seriously anymore.
- Red Claw: Give me the code, or I'll...
- Alfred Pennyworth: [muttering nonsensically] The lion and the unicorn, fighting for the crown.
- Red Claw: He can't be resisting the drug this long. It's impossible!
- Alfred Pennyworth: The lion and the unicorn...
- Red Claw: [realizing] Wait! He's not resisting. This doggerel *is* the code!
- Frederick: It's good to see you again, old man. I'm sorry it has to be under such circumstances.
- Alfred Pennyworth: Exactly what circumstances are we talking about?
- [his blindfold is removed]
- Alfred Pennyworth: My heavens! Red Claw!
- Red Claw: So pleased to make your acquaintance, Mr. Pennyworth. If you do exactly as I say, you might live to see tomorrow.
- Red Claw: The code, old man, now!
- Frederick: [struggling to resist] 14... 14... Gurrier's Crescent... Blairquhan, upper.
- Red Claw: Absurdly simple, like most passwords. Now, as for you.
- Alfred Pennyworth: [sing-songy] Half a league, half a league, half a league onward.
- Red Claw: Desperate valor to the last. Not that it will help you. Sooner or later, the serum always wins.
- Alfred Pennyworth: Good evening, Master Bruce. I'm so sorry to have disturbed your rest, but...
- Bruce Wayne: Alfred! Are you all right? Where are you?
- Alfred Pennyworth: I'm at the Yorkshire Arms just at the moment. In London.
- Bruce Wayne: London, England?
- Alfred Pennyworth: There's only one, Master Bruce. I seem to be in a bit of a sticky situation, and I was wondering if you...
- Ernie: [pounding on, then crashing through the door] Come along easy, gramps. We don't wanna hurt you.
- Alfred Pennyworth: I'm afraid I'll have to ring off for now, sir. It seems I have unexpected guests.
- Batman: Before he came to the States, Alfred did some work as an attache in the British Security Services. More desk jobs than field work, but he acquired quite a reputation for defusing diplomatically dangerous situations in high-security areas.
- Robin: And I always thought he was just a nice old guy who polished the silver and fixed me sandwiches.
- Batman: He's fixed more than that in his time. Underneath Alfred's very proper exterior is a highly resourceful government agent. He mentioned his cousin, but as far as I know, he has no living relatives. And "cousin" can sometimes mean a fellow member of an intelligence organization.
- Robin: Well, I hear England's nice this time of year.
- Alfred Pennyworth: Frederick?
- Ernie: Hello. Is that Alfie?
- Alfred Pennyworth: "Mr. Pennyworth" will do.
- Bert: Right, then. A Sir Freddie sent us. Wants you to come with us.
- Alfred Pennyworth: Frederick sent *you*?
- Ernie: That's right-o, luv. Come along, now. We'll pop 'round and see 'im.
- Alfred Pennyworth: I think not. Frederick knows I hate being called Alfie as much as he hates Freddie.
- Red Claw: Londoners, your ancient city may pride itself on having survived plagues, fires, even the Blitz, but unless £5 billion are delivered to me by midnight tonight, there'll be nothing left to survive. We have Blairquhan Castle and its missile installation, and the codes to operate the missile. You have one hour. Otherwise, I'll be forced to plant this warhead in the middle of Trafalgar Square. And if I do that, well...
- [laughing evily]
- Red Claw: God save the Queen.
- Red Claw: I've wasted enough courtesy on you two.
- Frederick: Courtesy? None that I've seen.
- Red Claw: [slapping him] I want this missile silo operational. I intend for the British government to give me £5 billion to keep me from wiping London off the map.
- Frederick: You understand, old man, I had no choice in the matter.
- Alfred Pennyworth: But of course, dear boy.
- Alfred Pennyworth: Truth serum?
- Red Claw: Of course. The old methods are still often the best. Fight it if you like. You won't hold out for long. But... it might be amusing.
- Alfred Pennyworth: Well, anything to amuse a lady, if "lady" is the word I want, which I doubt.
- Dick Grayson: [searching Alfred's trashed hotel room] Bruce, over here. Looks like he put up a struggle. Poor Alfred. He must've been petrified.
- Bruce Wayne: I doubt it. He was pretty formidable in his day.