Batman: The Animated Series (TV Series)

Trial (1994)

Stephanie Zimbalist: Janet Van Dorn

Quotes 

• Harley Quinn : I just wanna say, if there was no Batman, there'd be no Joker, and I'd have never met my Puddin'. Thank you, Batman.

  [Batman glares at her] 

  D.A. Janet Van Dorn : Sad, isn't it. Harleen Quinzel was a doctor here at Arkham until the Joker twisted her mind.

  Harley Quinn : Ha! You're just jealous because you don't have a fella who's as lovin' and loyal to you as my Puddin' is to me!

  D.A. Janet Van Dorn : Ah-ha. And I suppose it was that same "loyalty" I saw the last time you escaped and "Puddin'" here...

  [points to the Joker] 

  D.A. Janet Van Dorn : ...finked on you in hopes of getting time off!

  Harley Quinn : Is that true, Puddin'?

  The Joker : [sheepishly]  "Finked" is such an ugly word...

  Harley Quinn : [grabs the Joker and starts shaking him]  You lousy, scum sucking creep!

  The Joker : The witness is excused!

• D.A. Janet Van Dorn : I suppose you, like your friends, claim that Batman 'drove' you to be a criminal?

  The Mad Hatter : He did.

  D.A. Janet Van Dorn : And yet, as I recall your case, you brainwashed and kidnapped a woman who rejected you.

  The Mad Hatter : Batman forced me to do it! He was going to take her away from me, I had no choice!

  D.A. Janet Van Dorn : You could have respected her wishes and left her alone.

  The Mad Hatter : I'D HAVE KILLED HER FIRST! Oop! I'd like that last statement stricken from the record please.

  The Joker : Record? Is someone supposed to be writing this down?

• [last lines] 

  D.A. Janet Van Dorn : I see now there's a need for what you do. But I'm still going to work towards a city that doesn't need Batman.

  Batman : Me too.

• D.A. Janet Van Dorn : I used to believe Batman was responsible for you people but now I see nearly everyone here would have ended up exactly the same, Batman or not. Oh, the gimmicks might be different, but you'd all be out there in some form or another that brings misery to Gotham. The truth is, you created him.

• Scarface : Court is now in session! The Good People of Arkham Asylum vs. the self-righteous vigilante called Batman! Our prosecutor is ready, likewise our fair and impartial jury!

  The Mad Hatter : Hang him!

  Harley Quinn : Shoot him!

  Killer Croc : Hit him with a rock!

  Scarface : And now, all rise for the most honorable, most benevolent, most merciful Judge Joker!

  The Joker : [bangs gavel]  Guilty!

  D.A. Janet Van Dorn : I was promised a chance to defend my client!

  The Joker : Oh, very well. Like it'll make a difference.

• The Joker : Jury, you've heard the evidence. Consider your verdict.

  The Mad Hatter : [after deliberating with his fellow rogues on the jury, the Mad Hatter, acting as foreman, stands up]  Your honor, in light of Ms. Van Dorn's stirring defense we have no choice but to find the defendant... not guilty.

  D.A. Janet Van Dorn : [This verdict shocks everyone else in attendance, but none more so than Janet, who turns to Batman]  Amazing.

  The Joker : Well done, counselor. You've proven that Batman didn't create us. That we, in fact, messed up our own rotten lives. And as we are so rotten, vile and depraved... we're going to waste you anyway.

  The Joker : [All the inmates of Arkham, including the criminals who just "acquitted" Batman, erupt in cheers, while Janet gasps]  A-bi, a-bi, a-bi, that's all, folks!

  [Bangs rubber chicken gavel] 

  The Joker : Let's mambo!

• Janet Van Dorn : Not only does Batman create these so-called super-criminals, he takes it upon himself to be their judge and jury with no regard for the legal system.

  Reporter : It sounds like you want to put Batman on trial.

  Janet Van Dorn : Believe me, I'd like nothing better.

  Commissioner James Gordon : [turning a TV off]  Strong words.

  Janet Van Dorn : It's got to stop, Jim. As Gotham's new district attorney, I can't allow your pet nut to run loose in my city. I mean it.

• Janet Van Dorn : This is insane. Me defending you? As far as I'm concerned, you belong in here with them.

  Batman : Whatever. You've gotta go through with it. It's their game and their rules.

• Commissioner James Gordon : Janet, it's a war zone out there, and Batman is our best weapon.

  Janet Van Dorn : And I say he's a drug the city keeps taking to avoid facing reality.

  [hearing the blinds rustle, she sees Batman appear] 

  Janet Van Dorn : Speak of the devil.

• Two-Face : Welcome to Arkham, Van Dorn.

  Janet Van Dorn : Two-Face!

  Two-Face : Don't bother screaming for help. The white coats can't hear ya. Matter of fact, they can't do much of anything, thanks to the Mad Hatter.

  Janet Van Dorn : You're going to escape?

  Two-Face : Eventually. We got some legal business to settle first.

  Janet Van Dorn : What do you mean?

  Two-Face : I'm talking about... a trial. Me, the prosecutor. You, the defense. And your client...

  [snapping, Croc enters dragging a straight-jacketed Batman] 

  Two-Face : ...is Batman.

• Batman : The East Side Skulls are ready to declare war on the other gangs.

  Janet Van Dorn : Old news. My department's already planning a sting to catch the Skulls' leader.

  Batman : Don't bother.

  [he opens the blinds to reveal a man outside tied up upside-down] 

  Janet Van Dorn : Very cute, mister. You want to support law and order, you take off that mask and put on a uniform.

  [he turns to leave] 

  Janet Van Dorn : You hear me, Batman? This is the last time!

  [to Gordon] 

  Janet Van Dorn : Next time I see him, it'll be a whole different story.

• Janet Van Dorn : And so it's Batman's fault you lead a life of crime.

  Poison Ivy : He should have let me bump off Harvey Dent. We'd all have been better off, wouldn't we, Harve?

  Two-Face : [grumbling under his breath]  Why, you rotten little... I'll...

  Janet Van Dorn : But, Ms. Isley, isn't the real motivation for your crimes your obsession with plants? That you prefer them to people?

  Poison Ivy : I love plants, honey, but a rose is a rose.

  Janet Van Dorn : Then it doesn't bother you when someone - let's say the judge here...

  [yanking the flower from Joker's lapel] 

  Janet Van Dorn : ...ruthlessly plucks a defenseless flower from the warm, green earth.

  Poison Ivy : No.

  Janet Van Dorn : Even knowing he's given it his death sentence?

  [plucking petals as she talks] 

  Janet Van Dorn : That its petals must die?

  Poison Ivy : Stop it!

  Janet Van Dorn : One by one, withering falling, one by one, until it's all gone... honey.

  Jervis Tetch : [as Ivy leaps in attack, he and Scarecrow pull her off]  Ms. Ivy, please!

  Scarface : You're beautiful when you're angry.

• Killer Croc : Let's go. Move it.

  Jervis Tetch : Indeed. Can't keep the judge waiting.

  Two-Face : You've said it yourself, lady. Batman made every one of us.

  Jervis Tetch : So, we're placing him before the bar to face our justice.

  Janet Van Dorn : And me?

  Two-Face : Basic 50/50 option. You get him off, you both go free. He goes down... ya take the fall with him.

  Jervis Tetch : Amusing idea, what? Kidnapping you to be Batman's attorney.

  Two-Face : Personally, I suggested a quick slug between the eyes, but I lost the coin toss.