The New Batman Adventures (TV Series)

Old Wounds (1998)

Mark Hamill: The Joker, Mugging Victim

Quotes 

• The Joker : Nice entrance. Either you've never heard of a door or you just like pulling glass out of your shorts.

• [Batman knocks away Joker's pet hyenas] 

  The Joker : Hey! Do I hit your kids?... Oh, actually I do. Ha-ha!

• The Joker : [looking at his reflection]  Hmm, I have spinach in my teeth.

• The Joker : [watching Batgirl through a tourist viewfinder]  My, she's a feisty little minx. And quite a looker, too.

• Rocco : It's the easiest hundred you'll ever make. All you gotta do is give us the high sign if you see anyone comin'.

  Connor : And what'll you guys be doing?

  The Joker : Ah-ah. If you stick your nose in, it might get cut off. You can keep a secret, right, Connor?

  Connor : Uh... uh-huh.

  The Joker : [putting some dollar bills in his mouth]  Good.

• The Joker : [Batgirl takes down two of his goons]  What? You should be sidewalk stroganoff.

  Robin (Dick Grayson) : I changed the menu.

  [he punches another thug, who drops his machine gun] 

  The Joker : [picking it up]  Honestly, must I do everything myself?

• Rocco : The stairways are sealed off, and there's gas bombs in the elevator shafts. No way anyone's getting to us up here.

  The Joker : Is that so?

  [wearing a jetpack shaped like wings, Batman tackles one of the thugs] 

  The Joker : Bats in our belfry again.

  [Rocco begins firing his machine gun until a batarang knocks it out of his hands] 

  The Joker : [seeing Batgirl]  Ooh! Something new has been added. A big improvement over the Boy Blunder.

• The Joker : Friends, do you suffer from that queasy, drop-in-cabin-pressure, airsick feeling? Well, you should, because of my handy dandy radar disruptor. It's guaranteed to scramble all radar signals in the greater Gotham area. That's right, friends, thanks to this smashing new invention...

  [his goons use toy planes to pantomime a mid-air crash] 

  The Joker : ...no military or commercial planes can safely fly over Gotham.

  [he holds up a sign with a dollar amount; realizing it's upside-down, he turns it right-side up] 

  The Joker : So, if you want to avoid unhappy landings, just send $40 million to me, the Joker. That's $40 million. Operators are standing by. And remember, don't send it airmail.

• Robin (Dick Grayson) : You blew it, Joker.

  The Joker : Au contraire, Bird Boy. I'm just getting fired up.

  [as he pulls a lever, a missile fires; in the aftermath of the explosion, Batman and Robin are buried under rubble] 

  The Joker : Hmm. That was easier than usual.

  [with effort, Robin manages to free himself] 

  The Joker : Whoops! Time to fly!

• The Joker : [dazed]  Houston, we have a problem.

  [collapses]