- Linda: Boy, people call themselves your friend, but then when you need them, suddenly they're in labor!
- Linda: Congratulations, you just reached a level of stupidity usually only seen in Republicans and other lower primates!
- Margaret Wyborn: Oh, John, there's one thing I don't understand...
- Dr. John Becker: Why bald guys wear ponytails?
- Margaret Wyborn: Although I DO feel bad when we mess the kids around like that...
- Dr. John Becker: I don't - little bastard's getting more sex than I am!
- Linda: Hey, Dr. Becker, you wanna go to the theater tonight?
- Dr. John Becker: Linda, my life's already a cabaret.