- Endora: I hope you appreciate what an amusing man your husband is, Mrs. Stephens.
- Phyllis Stephens: Yes. He's a regular Milton Berle.
- Frank Stephens: Do you know what I've been doing ever since I retired? Filling in the pupils of "Little Orphan Annie"'s eyes in the newspapers.
- Phyllis Stephens: I'm not upset. I must say I'm a little surprised that after forty years of marriage, my husband should turn out to be a senior delinquent, but I'm not upset.
- [puts the coffee pot in the fridge]
- Darrin Stephens: Mom, you just put the coffee pot in the fridge.
- Phyllis Stephens: You wanted more?
- Darrin Stephens: I told you your mother was up to something. I'm beginning to understand why they used to burn witches at Salem.
- Darrin Stephens: [about Endora] She's a very interesting women isn't she?
- Phyllis Stephens: Yes. But I wouldn't worry about that dear. Samantha probably takes after her father.
- Endora: Samantha, you know if you'd married one of those nice warlocks that were crazy about you, none of this would have happened.